A lot of laughter.
A lot of playing.
A lot of running errands.
A lot of medicine.
A lot of bed time dances.
A lot of rice and beans. (favorite)
A lot of unknowns.
A lot of confusion.
A lot of medical emergencies and questions.
A lot of educating myself how to properly and safely help to deliver a baby. (yeah, prayers appreciated!!)
A lot of prayer.
A lot of answered prayer.
A lot of moments just standing in awe of Jesus and how He really does listen.
And a lot of emotions.
Today, as i was putting neosporin and a band-aid on a tiny (but quite traumatic in his little eyes) cut, something hit me.
That I was really living here, being a "mommy" for fifteen little kiddos.
Helping them when they fall down,
changing dressings and bandages on quite traumatic and oh so painful-looking wounds,
hugging them when they seemed sad,
teaching them how to speak English better,
teaching their ABC's and 123's,
loving them through their wounded hearts and painful pasts and as they are learning how to deal with it all,
letting them have their moments when emotions overtake them that they don't even understand or know how to share,
smiling to the ones, who in their world, a smile is the only thing they can really understand,
loving their little brains that are all so different...some call them disabled, and yeah they are, but i like to see them as brilliant in their own little ways.
They keep me wandering, that's for sure :)
So yeah, in a simple moment of applying a band-aid, it all kind of became surreal to me.
As much as i want to go scream so loud at a mom who doesn't want her child, about how much she is missing out on and about how seriously awesome her little boy is. As much as i want her to want him, and to want to make pizzas with him....well, she just doesn't.
And for right now, God graced me with the opportunity to share laughs and to cuddle and to make pizza's with this little man.
This was the plan on August 30th, 2011 that was laid out before the beginning of time.
And today was your August 30th, 2011 that was laid out before the beginning of time.
Time.
It's a concept that as much as i really really really try hard at, my mind can't fully fathom.
Each moment of every day was carved out perfectly before the very existence of little me crossed ANY human mind in the slightest bit.
See, that fills each day with purpose. That the Creator of the Universe. The One that holds the stars. The One that can calm a storm with His voice. The One that set me free and out of bondage. Yeah, that One.
He saw me important enough to plan out my days.
To plan out our days.
Humbling, huh? It is for me.
And so even on the bad days, even on the confusing days, even on the stinky days that we wish would have never happened, He's calling out for me...for you..to hold fast. To keep going. To keep smiling. To keep joy ever-present. To walk forward. To be bold.
Because as much as He holds today, He holds tomorrow all the same. and the next day and the next.
He not only holds tomorrow, but He makes tomorrow.
So tonight as we made pizzas in the kitchen filled with laughter and music and flour everywhere, I couldn't help but to think....
my little man probably didn't understand the darkness he once felt.
He was so alone and abandoned....by the very mom who was supposed to be loving him.
His world really was darkness and isolation.
But I can just imagine it, that on the nights when he was all alone....him and his five year old self....
something helped him sleep. Something helped him maintain joy in his heart.
I do believe that even though he may not have understood where the comfort he was feeling came from.....I know that Jesus covered him in love when he was bound in loneliness.
That He whispered to his heart to hold fast. To keep hope. To move forward.
And so he would continue another day...in isolation and loneliness...but he continued none-the-less.
And then hope came...Ekisa came to the rescue of him.
He held on for THIS moment.
This moment of rescue. Of help. Of redemption and restoration.
He held on for love.
He held on for pizza nights like tonight.
And i can't wait to see what else he held on for...what else God has in mind for his future.
He saved him to bring him towards something else....to bring him into Hope.
And this little man is a leader.
I can't wait to see where God's miracle of time takes him next.
Walter, I love you.
You are my hero.
You are my constant reminder to keep going.
and to keep hoping.
and to keep loving.
and to keep smiling.
and to keep dancing.
and to keep helping.
and to keep caring.
You are God's little gift to me today.
He had you in mind for my August 30, 2011.
And he had me in mind for yours.
Much Much love!!
OH, today some of my favorite people shared a quote with me. And oh man is it good and so true.
"Wherever you are, be all there." -Jim Elliott.
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