quick note.

I just got dropped off by our big bus that we took to the zoo today!
The older kids, and all the lovely staff at Ekisa took a field trip too the zoo today, and it was a perfect way to spend the day.
But now i'm sitting here at a hotel, waiting for my ride.
Filled with emotions.
Filled with memories.
Filled with laughter, tears, and much anticipation.
Man.... the things my heart have been flooded with these past months!
How much my heart has grown!
It's pretty crazy......
I'm leaving with so many emotions but the one that is most pressing is contentment.
These past four months have been on my mind for some time now!
And now that it has come to completion, i see that none of it was really what i planned. or what I even expected.

But ALL of it was so so good.
Hard at times.
Sad at times.
But good.
So, so, good.

Because when i can see even a glimpse of the big picture, I am seeing what He is doing in my heart to carry me on further into His unending story.
Seeing how He is working in me, growing me into more of what He calls of His children.
And I see, I see that God is active and present in the whole big wide world.
Everywhere.
Love that. :)

Update to come soon!
America, here I come.
Ha, this should be fun!

Praying that I will never use geography or location as a reason or excuse to "serve or love him better"
Whether I'm in Winder, Georgia or Jinja, Uganda, Africa.....
May my heart to serve and love be consistent.



And wherever we are, may we be ALL there.

Well Well Well..........

Well my time is quickly quickly coming to a pause here in Uganda. I will be heading home on Sunday night to be home for a while with my wonderful family and friends!
I am so excited and heart broken at the same time. It's going to be hard to say goodbye to these kids and to all of the beautiful people I have met here. I hate goodbyes and everything about them.
But the awesome thing is that I can tell them all with confidence that I will be back soon!
For those of you who don't know I have been offered the position as adoption coordinator for Ekisa.
After I go home for awhile to hang out, love on people, and raise funds, I will be heading back to Uganda!
I came here just praying for direction...seeking what God would have for me next.
I truly had a blank sheet in front of me, praying about what would be written next in my book. But amidst this, just trying to live and be right where I'm at.
Then one morning after I just felt a press on my heart to come back here and serve, I was asked to come back and coordinate their adoptions.
Humbled.
Blown-away.
Excited.
Scared.
Well, those words just don't do my emotions justice :)
But through lots of prayer and seeking, I am so sure that this is what the Lord has for me next. He allotted this time for me to be in Uganda serving and helping getting these children home to forever families.
I can't even describe the joy that's in my heart for being able to be a part of these children's lives.
Yeah, it's humbling.
SO with that said, I would like to ask for prayers.
Prayers of comfort as I leave a place that I have grown to love and people who now feel like family.
Prayers of safety and clarity as I travel. And for the people I come into contact with, airports are FULL of people who just need some love or evidence that joy exists.
Prayers that the funds will be brought in when I'm home.
Prayers over this house! And for these children and everyone running the house.

I've met some beautiful people while I've been here. People who are now forever friends, sisters and brothers.
I've been able to witness some stunning redemption.
I've been able to see Jesus work and soften hearts towards His voice.
I've seen joy,
hurt,
I've felt the sting of death,
and seen the joy of new life.
I've changed endless diapers,
had endless kisses,
and lost endless sleep.
I've danced a lot and now forever will have the song Waka Waka stuck in my head.
I've learned how to inject medicine through IVs and had to fight for a little life at a hospital alone, learning what true dependency on Christ looks like.
I've been in charge of a house of 16 kids.
I've seen the beauty of friends lives that are completely surrendered to the will of the Father in their lives.
I've grown up and learned a lot.
Been wrecked of my own ignorance,
and been overwhelmed by unending grace.
I've learned some native dancing, and been inspired to sing loudly all of the time with joy in my heart!
I've bunjee jumped.
I've seen and felt the Holy Spirit move and prompt heart, my own included.
I've experienced the stunning stars, sunrises, and clouds that Africa has to offer.
I've ridden motorcycles for the past months as my mode of transportation.
I've bunked in a room with six other girls.
I've prayed hard like I've never prayed before, learning more and more what it means to cry out.
I've been peed on lots and spit up on.....lots.
I've gone to a Ugandan aerobics class.
I've laughed a lot.
Cried a lot.
And learned a whole lot.

So at the end of this time, my first time in Uganda, I'm just overwhelmed and blown away.
Blown away by all I've had to learn.
Jesus knew my heart needed a little working on.
And just overwhelmed by the beauty of God ALL OVER the world.
He is not bound by oceans or state lines.
He just is. All around.
The world is a whole lot bigger than the little we see around us on a daily basis.
And it's just pretty cool, a huge blessing in fact, to get a glimpse of other parts of the world.

God. Is. Big.

So I will end this post until further posts when I return home with a saying I've said quite a lot, lately.
Well, TIA.
This. Is. Africa.

²⁴ “The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by human hands. ²⁵ And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything. Rather, he himself gives everyone life and breath and everything else. ²⁶ From one man he made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands. ²⁷ God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us. ²⁸ ‘For in him we live and move and have our being.’
Acts 17

Come thou fount.....

"Come, Thou fount of every blessing."


Whatever you give me, Lord, or choose to teach me may i always consider it an overabundance of Your blessing. May i always choose to see that you are a fountain of blessing, pouring out your love to the world. 
Even in the hard days or the seemingly mundane, may i focus wholeheartedly on You as my constant fountain and overflowing blessing.


"Tune my heart to sing Thy grace."


Thank you for shaping my heart in these past months, being away from the world. Thank you for tuning it daily to see your grace in a deeper way each day. Continue to tune my heart so that it may always be singing of your grace. May my life, words, actions, and every breath be a testament to your grace that I am even alive. May i sing of how it is your grace --only by your grace -- that i even get to serve a mighty Creator such as You. Tune my heart, Father. Thank you for taking the time in these past months to wreck me, shape me, and tune me more towards you.


"bind my wandering heart to thee.

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, 
prone to leave the God I love; 
here's my heart, O take and seal it, 
seal it for thy courts above." 

Prone to wander, Lord i feel it. I have wandered. I have messed up. I have questioned. I have gotten too caught up in myself and emotions.
Lord, I wander...I do.
But Lord, you catch me.
Your relentless in Your pursuit for our hearts.
And daily, Lord, captivate me. Take hold of my heart.
Take it.
Seal it.
Seal it only for you.


This song has been my outpouring lately, during my time in Africa. And while these initial four months here in Uganda are coming to a close, I'm finding myself overwhelmed.
Overwhelmed by how much I have learned.
And overwhelmed by how much Jesus has shaped me and molded me.
I have wrested in my time here -- wrestled a lot with things going on in my heart.
Some things personal, and some things that i have been opened to see here.
But oh goodness, how I have learned.
I have learned so much more about grace and the over-pouring of grace on my heart DAILY!
It's not something to be grasped only once, it actually will never fully be grasped...
But to acknowledge that everything surmounts to God's grace on our lives and to His glory, well that makes me stop dead in my tracks.
Daily to wake up and acknowledge that on my life, that it truly is not my own.
But seeing the beauty of it being beyond my own, because me....my heart wonders,
my emotions take over,
my humanness fails me,
my crazy impulsiveness gets in the way.
But in these months being away from the world that i have grown up being so familiar and comfortable with,
I have learned so deeply what it looks like to let the very Spirit of our Lord lead and transform our lives, my life.
And i won't always get it right.
But i know that God is constant.
He is here with me.
He is bigger and better and behind every single breath that i will ever breathe!
And He wants joy for His people.
He desires unity with us.
And He truly did come to give life, and to give life to the fullest.
But when we let Him take over our hearts, our eyes, and every moment of our life....
He will show us what true abundant life really means.

And for this, i am grateful.
As these four months are coming to a close and i am getting ready to go home for a little while, I am humbled.
Humbled that the Lord totally changed my ideas, plans, or expectations.
He chose to deal with me in places He knew He needed to deal with.
He chose to have grace.
Grace on a wretch like me,
so that my life may be a small offering to show His glory.
Today,
I'm beyond grateful.
Humbled.
And joyful.
Joyful for Hope.
And thankful that there is always things to learn.
And always things to seek out.
And always things to learn to SEE.
Today and every moment, may we all choose to see His grace.
See it in ALL.

This is my prayer.


Much much love :)

Happy Birthday Madison Akins!

So 17 years ago, a rockstar was born. (On October 29th!)
And her name was Madison.
Please join me in honoring my best and favorite little sister ever.
The world is a much more beautiful place because of her.
Madison Akins, I LOVE YOU.
And simply can't wait to see you.
But for now, here is a little message that i hope you will enjoy.

Much love! :)

A glimpse into my little Rachel.

So what can be learned from rachel.....
Rachel will teach you to let your inner sassiness shine.
Rachel will teach you to continue to find joy and to let joy drive you.
Rachel will teach you strength. She is a clear picture of what it means to overcome and to move forward in love.
Rachel will teach you how to laugh until your stomach hurts.
Rachel will teach you how to just be yourself.
Rachel will teach you how to keep going and to never give up.
Rachel will teach you to look at a fall as another opportunity to just get back up.
Rachel will teach you how to say prayers with sincerity and faith...believing every word that she prays.
Rachel will teach you how to stake your claim and boss a house of boys around! :) (thats my girl)
Yeah, Rachel is about seven.
But Rachel is a teacher to me.
She is such an instrument of JOY.
This girl was handpicked by God to be here at Ekisa.
After her hard life at such a young age, God led her to us.
He led her into love.
And by that, she teaches US so much about love.
My life was designed to be intertwined with Rachel's little life.
I think we keep teaching each other a lot.
She teaches me more though i am sure, because I am teaching her how to say words and play games.
She teaches me more without even saying much.
Kids are something else, I sure do admire them.
And Rachel has a big chunk of my heart, that is for sure!
And am just. so. thankful. for this little piece of sass i get to hang out with everyday.

I introduce to you, ladies and gents.....
Rachel.

Much love :)

Jane and Jamil.

Thought i'd share with you these two cuties, Jane and Jamil.
They are quite the dynamic duo here at the house.
And a cute one that is :)

lately...

Lately i have been reminded of my own imperfection.
And learning to be okay with that.
To acknowledge that me and myself won't get things right a lot of times.
But that His grace is enough.

Lately I've been learning how to let His grace shine brighter and brighter.
Where we are weak, He. Is. So. Strong.
And grace has nothing to do with our ability -- and everything to do with our inability.

Lately I have been blown away by the people around me, Seeking to glorify Jesus.
And how Jesus can rock our worlds for His glory when we give Him total control.
And boy do I have a lot to learn from these people that I am surrounded by......
    

      The two Emily's at Ekisa, who spend their lives advocating for these disabled or special needs         children who were abandoned and deemed as nothing by the world. They serve with their whole hearts and long for nothing more than for Jesus to be glorified in their work.

      My incredible friend, Amy, who selflessly loves the little cuties that God graced her with. And the way that she wholeheartedly follows Jesus -- regardless of the cost. She loves passionately and serves wildly after Jesus and completely shines the grace and redemption of Christ. I am just blown away by it all.

And also by my mom. Who loves, right where she is at. Regardless of what the day brings, she chooses love. Many people's lives have been changed because of her. And boy there is just a lot to learn from this lovely lady i get to call mom :)

And also by my wonderful Dad. Who teaches me more about caring for people than most people have been able to exemplify. His heart is huge, his love is so big, and i just thank God for that every day....that i have such a wonderful example to look up to as my dad. So. incredibly. blessed.

And i'm thankful for my crazy wacky sisters. It's so cool how family is specifically planned out. And oh goodness, how special my family is to me! These two chicks are my support system and i love them so deeply. They teach me more about life each day and constantly remind me of the beauty in daily things. As different as we are, i couldn't think of a better mix of three girls in a house than the one we have going all of the time. 

Sharing my moments of gratitude today. And the people that are on my heart that have blessed me beyond belief. 

Overwhelmed with grace, so evident in lives all around me.

And so thankful that grace has absolutely NOTHING to do with our own ability, and everything to do with us surrendering our inability to the creator of our very hearts.

And so i encourage you to let you light shine.

You have no idea what a difference it is making in the lives of the people watching you.

All of these people mentioned on here have changed my life.

And i'm just so thankful.

Thankful that we serve a God, a Master, who has a plan.

A Master who intricately intertwines peoples paths together for a purpose.

And it all goes back to 

Love.

Oh goodness, how He loves us.

Paul. or as i like to say, Pauley.

Meet Paul.
He's pretty brilliant.
Pretty beautiful.
Pretty funny.
And yeah, he's just so polite and incredibly joyful. I so wish each one of you could personally meet this kid.
However, i'm just asking you to pray for him with me.
He weighs only 14 kilos at 8 years old.
So once we get him gaining weight he should be running around and full of energy.
Continue to pray that he would take the food he needs and not have to get an NG tube.
And pray that the transition to our home would continue to go smoothly and that he would feel so incredibly loved and respond to the love well.
Oh and I think he's a super genius because when he was playing on my phone the other day he typed in the word "Alkaline." Seriously? I don't even know how to properly spell that word.
Blame it on T9 texting if you will, but i'm convinced that my Pauley is a super genius.
We love you Paul!

Cool story. Zeke and Paul came from the same place....

And when Paul arrived at our house, him and Zeke saw each other and recognized each other immediately! Zeke is already loving and protecting Paul because they have been friends for so long. Friends re-uinited, so cool.

Zeke.

 Oh the things you teach me, Zeke.

Well let's start with the fact that he teaches me more and more what it means to smile and really mean it.

And he teaches me a lot about resilience. The Lord shines big through this boy's life. Through hardships and trials, we should all maintain a resilience about us overflowing from the joy of the Lord.

He teaches me lots of new words that he makes up himself. Yeah, he's real inventive.

He teaches me to still just. be. happy. And to have grace. Even when he does press down my French press when its not ready yet on a real sleepy morning :)

Yeah, he fills everyone around him with laughter. His curiosity will just intrigue you. His genuine love will inspire you. His cuddles will make you so happy. His joy brings glory straight up the his Creator. And his sass, well i just love me some sassiness :)

Zeke will teach you how to dance, even when you have a HUGE lack of rhythm.  He doesn't care, he just loves to dance. Dance on Zeke, dance on...

His facial expressions will just make you giggle. 

I love you, Zeke.

So 2 Corinthians has been WRECKING my heart and challenging me with so so much lately. Oh man, it is so rich and powerful. It.is.Truth.
THE truth.
So i would just highly recommend everyone to read through it and to really soak it in. Pray through it. and seek to live out the truth in it.


And just for kicks and giggles, check out crazy cute JoJo in all of his tye-dye glory :)

Much love :)

Moment of gratitude #1

"On Him we have set our hope, so that He will continue to deliver us..."

It's pretty humbling, ya know.
Being challenged to see where my hope truly is.
Because all day long I can say that my hope is not in the things of this world.
My word, thats easy to just say.
But its when the things of this world are really challenged or taken away -- that I see in my utter vulnerability, where my true hope is.
And it's like how all day long, we can sing and shout that we love God.
But then in the stillness -- in the quiet.
And when things may not seem as "attractive" as we would like,
can we still say... "No, really God. I love you. I love you with my aching heart. I love who you are in spit of what's going on in the day..good or bad. I just love You. That's it."
Because it's only when we really know who god is that we can truly see what it means to love Him.
Because, God is love.
And when we really know who He is.
And what love really is.
We see, I see.
That in this fleeting world -- I can only put my hope in him.
Because everything else WILL pass away.

And from that hope -- springs joy.
And from that spring of joy -- from our knowledge  and love of who He is can we sing that, "All my fountains ARE in You."

And that's when there becomes no dividing line between the secular/spiritual in our day.

When are fountains are truly in Him, Hope springs out.
Joy flows out.
Truth is lived out.
And Jesus is shown -- in all areas of life.

Jesus is -- "I AM"

Ladies and gentlemen, Jesus is in the flow.
In all that passes by in life, He is there.

He. just. is.
And His ever presence is such a part of His beauty.

He is the beauty in life.
He is beautiful -- life is beautiful because of Him.
He does truly outshine the darkness.

So i'm learning more and more what it looks like to just hope in the Truth.

Is it careless to claim and believe that God will deliver us always when we walk in Him?
Absolutely not.
Because that is TRUTH. (2 Corinthians 1)

He calls Himself the deliverer.
And He means it.
All arguments aside,
His word is Truth.
And everything else in life is held up to this Truth.

We've had death lately.
We've had a new life brought to the world, lately.
We've had lots of sickness around lately with no doctors to help, really.
So, lately, we have had no one to count on BUT the Deliverer.
We have had no one to answer our questions here.
We've had to claim our hope and dependance fully and completely on God and God alone.
This will wreck you.
But this why I'm leaning to claim Hope.
Hope in the One who is the same throughout the ages.
Hope in the one who was
and is
and is to come.

And with that hope brings joy.

Claim. Hope. Today.

And with hope comes victory,
glory brought to our very Maker.
May He be our Hope now and forever.

And may this stir a passion in all of us to share this hope with the people around us who don't know this unending beautiful joy.

passion. don't miss it.

"...And He will be their peace..." -Micah 5:5

We are all resting in the peace -- oh the beautiful peace.
Because the stunning thing about peace is that it isn't based upon circumstances, nothing about God is.

And so in the absolute craziness of the past week....I'm learning really what it looks like to rest in peace amidst "unpeaceful" circumstances.

So peace,
like a rushing river...may it surge into our souls.
Reminding us, Jesus, that with you and you alone...only then, are we truly whole.

And everyday in every moment, may we sing and even shout.....
It is well, it is SO well with our souls.

A baby called Grace.

Thanks, Grace.

For reminding us that God is a God of redemption and restoration.

That life is beautiful.

That healing is here.

And that grace....true grace....is alive. SO very alive :) 

A baby came into the world yesterday.

And reminded us of the beauty of life on a very heartbreaking day.

This baby is called Grace.

And that is just what he is, a reminder of the perfect limitless grace of God.

He gives and takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord.

We love you so much Selina. And we know that you are loving to dance and sing in Heaven, with the Creator who made you so perfectly. We are better people for spending these last months of our lives with you. Thanks for all you taught us. And thanks, Jesus, for beckoning her home. 

Be still.

Doctors visits.

Death.

More doctors visits.

Market runs.

Clinic runs.

Cleaning up throw up.

Diagnosing things.

IV runs.

Last minute things coming up.

After awhile of this and more, the past four days have been......quiet.

Considering, what "quiet" is here, it has been quiet.

And we are counting it as a blessing!

It may be the calm before the storm, who knows.

But for now, oh boy am i thankful for the still days.

And tonight....the power was out.

So in a dark room illuminated with candles, we sat.

Acoustics filling the air and voices unified as one lifted up praise to the One who is alive always..

In the crazy and in the still.

There's something magical about music to me.

Supernatural. It's crazy how it can move us, unify us.

And tonight we sat, in the exotic candle-lit room.

Voices lifted high.

We were all coming from different places in our day.

At different places in our lives.

But so unified. And with voices lifted high we sang. and sang. and sang.

And it was beautiful.

Not because the candles were nice or the music was that great.

It was just one guitar in a living room.

But it was beautiful because there in the midst, was something so much greater than the music.

Our hearts were being poured out...spilled out...before the Creator of it all.

The Master behind the music.

The Artist, Himself.

Our hearts were being wrecked in the room tonight, and there was unity among us.

There was power among us.

There was passion among us.

There was joy among us.

There was desperation among us.

There was a craving for life, true life, among us.

There was vulnerability among us.

There was love among us.

There was hurt among us, and healing hearts among us.

And 

There was God among us.

God with us.

In our hearts, in our voices, in our songs.

Pretty awesome.

No, pretty spectacularly incredible.

Breathtaking.

And oh boy, am i just grateful.

That Love came down. 

That Love came down and rescued me.

And now in all of my days, I can sing out in freedom.

And Love is here, for the world.

May our passion show and bring people to this Love.

Because a gift is always meant to be given.

Hal-le-lu-jah for that.

Now, my challenge for you. Play this songs. Close your eyes. Listen. Really, listen. And breathe it in. 

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion FOREVER." Psalm 73:26

p.s. pretty cool thing..MY DAD IS HERE WITH ME FOR THE WEEK. WOWWW.......

What a dad i was graced with. He has already been helping with SO much here, and yeah we have just been having such an awesome time. I still can't believe he is actually here. More updates to come on our adventures together. 

Let's just say jessica here, is forcing him to bring out his adventurous side a bit :)

Watch out, people.

 

Much much love :)

Namaste.

So in a book I'm reading, it mentioned a little word that i have fell SO in love with.
For those of you who know me, you know that i am in love with words and writing etc...

Namaste.

The english language doesn't really have an equivalent word for this.
But it basically means, "I honor and am so thankful for the Holy One who lives in you."
Wow.
This man was serving in India and when he would serve people by helping them with medical issues or just hanging out with them or just talking to them...instead of thank you, this is what they would say.
Namaste.
These thoughts in my head may come off as rambling, but I'm going to give it a shot.
Just bear with me.
Namaste.
In India, they say this instead of thank you or thank you for showing Jesus or any other thing we may say sometimes.
Namaste, i am so thankful for Jesus who is living in you and living and breathing through you.
Ha.
My heart and my life desire to be drawn to such a place of craving and desiring to hear that.
That from nothing of my own accord, I crave and yearn for you to see Jesus in me.
And I'm learning to see others in this light.
I see it in Stella's evident joy after losing her baby girl.
I don't want to just say "Oh, sweet Stella."
But, Namaste.
Oh my word. Jesus. He is in you, Stella. And i see it. He is SHINING. And i love and honor Him shining through you.
It is almost breath taking.
To all the amazing people who love and do incredible things here,
I want to clap for them, raise them up, and tell people about them.
But I'm always reminded that no, it's not really about that. Not at all.
Self-glory is such a small picture thing. At the end of the day, even at the end of our lives, where does it get us?
Clapping our hands and raising up people who do amazing things...where does that get us at the end of it all....
No where.
So,
namaste.
May I look at their lives and be overwhelmed with gratitude and excitement for the One who lives in them.
Who is behind the work they do. Who is BIGGER THAN LIFE ITSELF.
This is when temporary things get carried on into eternity.
When the big picture of life is revealed.
Namaste.
Such a beautiful word.
That encompasses so much.
Still soaking in everything it means, and loving this word.
But, wow.
Namaste.
So. Cool.
It reminds me of what my mom and cousin always say.
"Let's go get Jesus in our bones."
So whatever they do in the day. He is just there.
He is with us.
All the time.
Because, He is. always.

He just IS.



And here is a story that is sure to give you a good laugh.
Nam (our very pregnant 16 year old at the house) was craving meat last night.
And when a pregnant girl craves something, there is just no way around it.
Especially for Nam.
This girl is sassy and spunky at its finest.
So what does she do about this?
Well ofcourse, she hunts down a baby chick that was stuck in our gate...and kills it.
Then she plucks all of the feathers off and skins it.
Let me remind you that this chicken was literally smaller than my hand. it was TINY.
And so i'm in the kitchen cooking dinner and she walks in with a washcloth in her hand.
She unwraps it, and inside lays this pitiful, dead, skinless, BABY chicken.
I might have screamed a bit...especially when it was put in my face!
She goes on to explain that "Well, she was craving meat. So she got it."
To say that i couldnt stop laughing would be an understatement.
I was crying i was laughing so hard!
Then she goes outside to roast it.
When she is done, she walks in the house holds up this black crispy tiny bird and exclaims with a huge smile on her face, "I have finished roasting my bird!"
(see facebook for a picture of it)
Oh. my. word.
Later that night we were sitting around with the women outside.
Nam was telling us that in three days her baby will come. But only if she has duck one day, pork the next day, and cow the next.
She said that she will not share her duck with anyone! And she also won't share her pig with anyone!
But, she very graciously informed us, that if we get her a whole cow....she will share some.
This girl is a hoot.
And oh my word it was a night full of laughter last night here at Ekisa!

much much love to you all :)

“All around you, people will be tiptoeing through life, just to arrive at death safely. But dear children, do not tiptoe. Run, hop, skip, or dance, just don't tiptoe.”

SOOO.....
I came to Africa with an open invitation for God to work.
Which, ha, i'm now realizing i shouldn't have to "plan" time frames into my schedule for Him to show me what to do.
These past weeks have surely had their difficulties, their challenges, and their unending questions from my end.
But these past weeks have brought exciting things.
I'm overwhelmed and I am just in awe of the love of Jesus.
Today, i was standing in a long line to get more internet on my computer here.
I had my ipod in my ears and almost couldn't stand still from excitement. literally.
Some exciting things are happening.
And I'm just seeing how all of the puzzle pieces of my life are being put together.
Seemingly small things, like how relationships turned out, or a choice in school, or a result that came up on google....these things are part of the puzzle for my life.
And some pieces are coming together...and i'm getting a small glimpse of what He's up to with me.
what He's up to with the world.
And. i'm. just. blown. away.
Filled with excitement.
But blown away and knocked to my knees in humility.
No, people, there isn't "chance."
So its about time that we stop flattering ourselves with the idea of chance at all.
There isn't coincidence.
There isn't just a collaboration of events that wind up at some random place that turned out rather nice.
There is a plan.
And behind that plan -- the plan for you and for me--
There is God.
A God way bigger than me, way more beautiful than any of our minds could ever fathom, and a God who loves more than our hearts can even grasp.
And His heart, is beating through my life.
And i'm learning more what that looks like.
And i'm seeing the passion in that.
Guys, It's a big deal...
To even be able to be graced with the opportunity to be a light.



Now that you know whats on my heart here are some updates here at the house:
Tasha (who i wrote about sometime earlier i think?) sat up by herself for about three seconds! THIS IS  A BIG DEAL PEOPLE. Oh this made us all so excited and so hopeful for this little girls future.
JoJo (who is the cutie in the previous post) has been crawling all by himself! Without us even using food as motivation :)
The staff infection and bed bugs seem to be going away in the house. Lots of excitement about that on this end haha.
Stella (Shamim's mom) came home! She is doing so well and her spirit just baffles and inspires me. Jesus is so real through this woman, like I have never seen before. This house with all of her friends and sweet kids is going to be used as a place of healing for her  i really believe.
School is starting up for the kids. They are doing so good besides some minor focusing issues :) And it is so cute to watch them so excited about learning...hmm..maybe i have something to learn from them?
I have officially reached the max of 1938364 mosquito bites on me (but who's counting anyways?)
These brilliant kids are still busting a move every night. Waka Waka is still the favorite.
There are so many wonderful beautiful people at work in Uganda. They have each been used to teach me so so so much. Ah i love the beauty of timing and relationships with new friends.
So stinkin' cool.


Please listen to this song today.
I have been loving it lately.

1 John 5
vs. 2
"This is how we know that we love the children of God: by loving and carrying out His commands. This is love for God: to obey His commands. And His commands are NOT burdensome...for everyone born of God overcomes the world."
wow.
amen.
& hallelujah!

praying tonight that wherever God has me and wherever He brings me...
May it be well with my soul....
Praying this for you, too.


Much much much love :)

A Day in the Life of Jojo.

Hmm the things that JoJo teaches me.

Well he teaches me about humor. He makes me laugh EVERY DAY. 

He teaches me the creativity of our Creator.

Yeah, he's just super hilarious. As  you can see. And brings out the goofy in me.

I love him lots.

And yeah, this is JoJo.

JoJo lives his life by expressing himself through facial expressions. I hope you get a little glimpse of his awesome sassy personality through these pictures :)

much much much love to you all!

Love is a beautiful thing.

Today has been....
beautiful.
emotional.
confusing.
numbing.
redeeming.
hilarious.
sorrowful.
joyful.
hopeful.
Yep, all in one day.

Today, as we were climbing the slippery, wet, muddy, vibrant red dirt hill...
I was flooded with thoughts.
We were climbing this little hill to go visit a hurting mama.
To let her know that we love her and care for her and support her.
To let her know that we are her family, too.
We were there to see her little girl for the last time.

The scene of a tiny little girl, wrapped up in cloth showing only her beautiful face and tiny hands, lying
completely still on the floor,
with a weeping mourning mother over her.
Well, it's a scene that in my mind tonight....i never want to have to be a part of again, honestly.

I want to use this post to pay tribute to a beautiful woman tonight.
Her name is Stella.
And she is the weeping mother laying over her little girl that she fought so desperately for.
That she loved with her whole heart.
And that she carried until the very end of her little life.

Stella.
Has no 'reason' to be as stunning and joyful as she is.
She has lost two husbands to illness...
She is struck with an incurable illness herself.
And she had a beautiful baby girl who was healthy.
Until TB and an ear infection came.
And then she didn't have money for transport.
And the TB and ear infection went to little Shamim's brain.
And the brain damage took place.
Shamim wasn't born with brain damage, sickness gave it to her.
Sickness that, with medical care, could have been taken care of.
So when Shamim came to Ekisa, she was stiff, so skinny, couldn't see well, couldn't talk, couldn't walk, couldn't mumble, couldn't communicate.
Her brain was so damaged.
And do you know what Stella did?
She walked around this house and FLAUNTED her daughter.
She showed her off and said her name over and over again as she entered the room...almost as if she was saying, "look who is entering the room. The stunning, brilliant, and talented Shamim herself."
She loved this baby girl.
She fed her even when it took hours for her to take a small bit of a bottle and hold it down.
She came to us even when she had the slightest fever or cough...always concerned about her sweet girl above herself.
When Shamim was crying, Stella just rocked her and smiled her brilliant smile and laughed while singing, "Shaaamiimmm. Shaaammmiiimm."
This is no exaggeration. This is how Stella loved.
Unconditionally
and
Wholeheartedly.
Her daughter was a rock-star in her eyes.
Her daughter was perfect in her eyes.
Her daughter just blew her away.

And today, she weeped the loss of her daughter that she so passionately loved and fought for.
Each day Shamim was in the hospital, Stella was holding her and singing to her.
I will never erase from my memory the sight of Stella washing Shamim's little teeny purple socks and hanging them over the balcony of the hospital.
Shamim didn't need clean socks.
They weren't even that dirty.
But to Stella, Shamim deserved those clean little socks. It was important to Stella that she knew how much her mama loved her.
Shamim went to Heaven knowing that her mama was her biggest fan here on earth.

And today as the cries of a mother's broken heart filled my ears.
I wanted to push them away. My heart hurt, and I didn't want to remember that sound.
I don't.
But as i sat there in that small hut doing all i can to pray comfort over Stella.
I didn't want to see the good at the moment. I couldn't find it. I looked for it, but it was hard to see.
I just couldn't find the good.
And then, like a waterfall of grace washing over me, i saw it.

Through Stella, I saw a glimpse of how Jesus loves me. How he loves this earth.
And how He anguishes over losses.
And how He fights till the very end.
And how He sees very underserving people, deserving.
And how He loves us and holds us through things even when it may seem pointless in our blemished eyes.

Thank you, Stella.
Thank you for showing me what unconditional love looks like.
Thank you for showing me the reality of true raw emotions.
They just revealed more of your heart today.
And they showed me more of the Father's heart today.
I felt and heard how His heart breaks over a broken world.

And thank you, Shamim.
For showing me strength.
For showing me beauty.
And teaching me to love in a deeper way than i ever imagined.
I'm so thankful that i could rub your little back on Monday and tell you how beautiful you were.
Thanks Shamim, for surrending to Jesus when He called you home.
For reminding me how fleeting life is.
But oh how precious and important it is.

OH!
This evening, I got to go on a date.
Yes three very handsome boys went into town with me for ice cream.
Zak, Jason, and Walter.
Me and emily could not contain our laughter just about the whole time.
Oh what a good end to a day :)
These kids, are something else.
I'm telling you what.

Much much love today :)

Meemster.

Today, little Shamim just stopped breathing.
Out of all of the medical problems she has had and was having, she just stopped breathing.
Peacefully.
Beautiful.

It's hard to understand.
And honestly, even a little hard to accept.
I'm not handling this like any superstar at all, today has been a tough day.
I have more questions than answers.
More hurt than understanding.

BUT I do have the hope of there being Jesus in this life, and after death.
He is there. With her. She is dancing happily before Him now.
She is full.
She is whole.
She is singing singing singing.
Her little body is in peace.

And as many questions as I have.
As much as it hurts, to loose a little girl who i fell in love with so quickly.
As much as I will hate to see her mama go through the grief.
I'm thankful.
Thankful that she isn't struggling anymore.
Thankful that I got to spend a day with her at the hospital on Monday.

Death. I'm a newbie at it to be honest.
Especially that of a child.
It was TB.
Then an ear infection.
And she needed a few dollars for transportation to get help.
If she would have gotten that help earlier on, she may have been ok.
But a few dollars for transport.....

Like I said, more questions than answers.
But answers aren't really the point. Some things, in this mind of mine, really won't make sense. Ever.
And right now, I can't see the greater good yet.
Except for the fact that Shamim is happy. And whole. And healthy.
And that is enough.
Enough to rest in.
Thanks, Jesus. For being there.
In life and after life.

Wasn't she just stunning?!

Meemster and her tiny self.

Filthy feet.

Knotty unwashed hair.

Lizards everywhere.

Snuggling with kiddos who have 

ring worm.

Staff infection.

And all sorts of yummy fungus going on.

Giving I.V. injections.

Getting thrown up on.

All these things are part of my every day life for now.

And i love it, i am so incredibly excited and happy and humbled at the place God has set before me for the next months.

But can i just tell you how true one word is...TRANSFORMATION.

You see, if you would have told me about two years ago that this is what would be in my daily life.

1. would. have. rolled my eyes. and. laughed.

You think i’m kidding, well i can assure you that i’m not.

Literally, i may have gotten sassy.

And responded with a “What?! No i love big cities. I have to wash my sheets once a week. I must wear make up and fix my hair daily. I prefer nice things. Not expensive things, just nice things. I like to fit in with the crowd. A dirty third world country, please! That would be a joke. Give me a nail file, and i’m happy.”

If you don’t believe me, ask my parents.

Sure, i have always been the same curious person. 

I’ve always been me.

But oh my word being here, at the young age of eighteen i have gone through SO many seasons trying out so many things to figure out who i want to be or what i want to be like.

And over the past two years.

God has wrecked me piece by piece.

And here I am.

And so many specific things have happened reminding me that yes, His timing is so perfect.

And so tonight, the beauty of His transformation in a life...in my life,

is blowing me away.

Oh i was so lost. Searching and searching for who I was.

And in the midst of trying to be everyone else, me was no longer there, really.

And then the amazing grace stepped in.

And He began to chip me away piece by piece.

And my heart started to beat..really beat...to the exact rhythm that He made for me.

And i began to see what freedom really felt like.

And i began to rest.

To rest in who I am.

And i’m still learning to attune my eyes and ears to how He specifically made me.

My passions, talents, and desires are there for a reason.

And i’m learning so so much how that plays into sharing Jesus with people.

No one person is alike. And that is so okay.

That is beautiful, actually.

So when people say “Yep, that’s just Jessica.”

Well, yeah it is.

Here i am.

 And me is all I have to offer. 

Me, saved and transformed by a relentless God.

And so in the midst of presenting and sharing me...who i am...with the world around me.

Jesus is shining, I pray.

And there you are.

You are you. You were made to be you. 

Not the you desperately chasing after temporary things to fill voids and desires.

But you created PERFECTLY by the most stunning Artist.

YOU are a piece of art. THE only piece of art like you. Created to specifically display the  beauty of your Creator in the way He designed you too.

I think what i love about this home is all of the different brains here.

Each one of these kids are so obviously different -- so unique.

And here they are...day after day...just being themselves.

Not chasing after any trends or stereotypes...they are just them.

And i believe we all have something to learn from these sweet kids with their crazy different unique brains.

These kids are teaching me something big to accept the way God made me as the most beautiful kind of worship.

We. Are. Here.

And what we choose to do with that..is well, just that.

A choice.

So today i encourage you to choose joy.

Choose Love. True love.

There’s power in it. 

Oh goodness is there ever.

I will again repeat.

“Wherever YOU are. Be all there.”

So much to learn in that.

Much love :)