I believe in a peace that rules.

Goodness. 

It’s a bummer, sometimes.

To fall madly in love with a child who may be just fine if she had the medical care that i did when i grew up.

To wish a little child up to Jesus.

So she can be home, and at peace, and without pain.

It’s not natural.

It’s not what I’m used to.

To fully claim a child into the hands of her Creator because there is no doctor to turn to who can help.

It’s heart - wrenching.

It’s a bummer that you have to beg a doctor to fight for a little girls life because to them, it is of no importance.

It’s a bummer that a mom and dad will bring their two adorable children to our front door, wanting to drop them off.

They don’t want them.

That’s just what they had to say.

They want their other son...but these two....they weren’t good enough for them.

It’s just a wave of emotions.

And i’m learning so much.

How to see joy among pain.

And i’m learning to see hope among the seemingly hopeless.

I’m blown away more and more that at the end of the day, I have a living Hope.

And the Hope is alive.

And the Hope is radiant.

And the Hope is so real.

And the Hope i have can allow me to sing songs at the end of the day.

Sing songs with a full heart.

Yes, 

I hate the very idea of a little one who i love just longing to be home, at her real home, away from this pain...

and i hate the thought of a mama -- desperate to not loose her little girl.

And I hate the very idea that a family can come and just say please take my children because i don’t even want them.

And i hate the idea that a little boy had to die because his little body couldn’t take it after so much fighting.

These things aren’t warm and fuzzy.

They aren’t attractive.

And sometimes it’s all confusing and not fun to process.

But here’s what I’m blown away at.

That as much as i hate nasty things like this have to happen on earth,

I love the very thought of a little boy standing whole before her Father.

I love the thought that He loves these kids way more than i could ever imagine or understand.

I love the very thought that His ways are higher than mine.

I love knowing that as many things as there are going on in the world, He has the whole world in His hands. And He is carrying this little girl even now. And He knows the exact number of days He has for her.

And i love that there is a bigger plan beyond today.

So as much as i don’t understand, I’m serving someone who does understand. And who knows. And who has a plan.

And as much as I question.

And as much as I get lost in confusion.

And as much pain as there is.

And as much sickness as there is.

Praise the Lord, there is life beyond today.

And as much as my heart is aching and my mind is wandering.

It makes this fire in my heart bigger.

It grows this passion in my heart stronger and stronger with every hard moment.

I want people to know the Truth.

And to be free from the bondage of this world.

At the end of the day,

I’m here to bring Hope.

And me and my little self really has no hope to bring.

But I’m breathing daily in the Living Hope.

And oh how people need it, everywhere they are desperate for Truth.

It’s a lot.

And I’m learning a lot.

And being exposed to a lot.

Maybe even some stuff that i would have chosen to just do without.

But in it all.

My heart is bursting and shouting for people to know truth.

And to truly be whole.

Because i’m seeing how fleeting life is.

And how little it is about me.

And somehow, amidst all the tears and questions and fears and doubts, i am thankful.

Thankful for being exposed to the fleetingness and fragility of life.

But desperate to share the Good News with people.

So they too, can share in Hope.

A cute picture of sleep JoJo 

cute josh

And oh my word some WONDERFUL things happening here. 

The kids now have “Bieber Fever” thanks to Auntie Jess. (who may just be a closet Bieber fan herself) 

They also know how to dance to Party Rock (they do it so much better than me) and Party in the U.S.A. ( my personal favorite)

It’s the most adorable and fun and joyful thing. 

Noise (LOTS of it) and laughter ring throughout the room and almost drown out the music.

I love teaching and showing these kids to dance! It’s such a beautiful release for them and oh my word do their personalities come out. It’s honestly been the coolest blessing for me.

This is all a bit jumbled.

But as is my mind.

This was on my heart to write tonight though, so praying that it does some good for someone!

much love :)