Be still.

Doctors visits.

Death.

More doctors visits.

Market runs.

Clinic runs.

Cleaning up throw up.

Diagnosing things.

IV runs.

Last minute things coming up.

After awhile of this and more, the past four days have been......quiet.

Considering, what "quiet" is here, it has been quiet.

And we are counting it as a blessing!

It may be the calm before the storm, who knows.

But for now, oh boy am i thankful for the still days.

And tonight....the power was out.

So in a dark room illuminated with candles, we sat.

Acoustics filling the air and voices unified as one lifted up praise to the One who is alive always..

In the crazy and in the still.

There's something magical about music to me.

Supernatural. It's crazy how it can move us, unify us.

And tonight we sat, in the exotic candle-lit room.

Voices lifted high.

We were all coming from different places in our day.

At different places in our lives.

But so unified. And with voices lifted high we sang. and sang. and sang.

And it was beautiful.

Not because the candles were nice or the music was that great.

It was just one guitar in a living room.

But it was beautiful because there in the midst, was something so much greater than the music.

Our hearts were being poured out...spilled out...before the Creator of it all.

The Master behind the music.

The Artist, Himself.

Our hearts were being wrecked in the room tonight, and there was unity among us.

There was power among us.

There was passion among us.

There was joy among us.

There was desperation among us.

There was a craving for life, true life, among us.

There was vulnerability among us.

There was love among us.

There was hurt among us, and healing hearts among us.

And 

There was God among us.

God with us.

In our hearts, in our voices, in our songs.

Pretty awesome.

No, pretty spectacularly incredible.

Breathtaking.

And oh boy, am i just grateful.

That Love came down. 

That Love came down and rescued me.

And now in all of my days, I can sing out in freedom.

And Love is here, for the world.

May our passion show and bring people to this Love.

Because a gift is always meant to be given.

Hal-le-lu-jah for that.

Now, my challenge for you. Play this songs. Close your eyes. Listen. Really, listen. And breathe it in. 

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion FOREVER." Psalm 73:26

p.s. pretty cool thing..MY DAD IS HERE WITH ME FOR THE WEEK. WOWWW.......

What a dad i was graced with. He has already been helping with SO much here, and yeah we have just been having such an awesome time. I still can't believe he is actually here. More updates to come on our adventures together. 

Let's just say jessica here, is forcing him to bring out his adventurous side a bit :)

Watch out, people.

 

Much much love :)

Namaste.

So in a book I'm reading, it mentioned a little word that i have fell SO in love with.
For those of you who know me, you know that i am in love with words and writing etc...

Namaste.

The english language doesn't really have an equivalent word for this.
But it basically means, "I honor and am so thankful for the Holy One who lives in you."
Wow.
This man was serving in India and when he would serve people by helping them with medical issues or just hanging out with them or just talking to them...instead of thank you, this is what they would say.
Namaste.
These thoughts in my head may come off as rambling, but I'm going to give it a shot.
Just bear with me.
Namaste.
In India, they say this instead of thank you or thank you for showing Jesus or any other thing we may say sometimes.
Namaste, i am so thankful for Jesus who is living in you and living and breathing through you.
Ha.
My heart and my life desire to be drawn to such a place of craving and desiring to hear that.
That from nothing of my own accord, I crave and yearn for you to see Jesus in me.
And I'm learning to see others in this light.
I see it in Stella's evident joy after losing her baby girl.
I don't want to just say "Oh, sweet Stella."
But, Namaste.
Oh my word. Jesus. He is in you, Stella. And i see it. He is SHINING. And i love and honor Him shining through you.
It is almost breath taking.
To all the amazing people who love and do incredible things here,
I want to clap for them, raise them up, and tell people about them.
But I'm always reminded that no, it's not really about that. Not at all.
Self-glory is such a small picture thing. At the end of the day, even at the end of our lives, where does it get us?
Clapping our hands and raising up people who do amazing things...where does that get us at the end of it all....
No where.
So,
namaste.
May I look at their lives and be overwhelmed with gratitude and excitement for the One who lives in them.
Who is behind the work they do. Who is BIGGER THAN LIFE ITSELF.
This is when temporary things get carried on into eternity.
When the big picture of life is revealed.
Namaste.
Such a beautiful word.
That encompasses so much.
Still soaking in everything it means, and loving this word.
But, wow.
Namaste.
So. Cool.
It reminds me of what my mom and cousin always say.
"Let's go get Jesus in our bones."
So whatever they do in the day. He is just there.
He is with us.
All the time.
Because, He is. always.

He just IS.



And here is a story that is sure to give you a good laugh.
Nam (our very pregnant 16 year old at the house) was craving meat last night.
And when a pregnant girl craves something, there is just no way around it.
Especially for Nam.
This girl is sassy and spunky at its finest.
So what does she do about this?
Well ofcourse, she hunts down a baby chick that was stuck in our gate...and kills it.
Then she plucks all of the feathers off and skins it.
Let me remind you that this chicken was literally smaller than my hand. it was TINY.
And so i'm in the kitchen cooking dinner and she walks in with a washcloth in her hand.
She unwraps it, and inside lays this pitiful, dead, skinless, BABY chicken.
I might have screamed a bit...especially when it was put in my face!
She goes on to explain that "Well, she was craving meat. So she got it."
To say that i couldnt stop laughing would be an understatement.
I was crying i was laughing so hard!
Then she goes outside to roast it.
When she is done, she walks in the house holds up this black crispy tiny bird and exclaims with a huge smile on her face, "I have finished roasting my bird!"
(see facebook for a picture of it)
Oh. my. word.
Later that night we were sitting around with the women outside.
Nam was telling us that in three days her baby will come. But only if she has duck one day, pork the next day, and cow the next.
She said that she will not share her duck with anyone! And she also won't share her pig with anyone!
But, she very graciously informed us, that if we get her a whole cow....she will share some.
This girl is a hoot.
And oh my word it was a night full of laughter last night here at Ekisa!

much much love to you all :)

“All around you, people will be tiptoeing through life, just to arrive at death safely. But dear children, do not tiptoe. Run, hop, skip, or dance, just don't tiptoe.”

SOOO.....
I came to Africa with an open invitation for God to work.
Which, ha, i'm now realizing i shouldn't have to "plan" time frames into my schedule for Him to show me what to do.
These past weeks have surely had their difficulties, their challenges, and their unending questions from my end.
But these past weeks have brought exciting things.
I'm overwhelmed and I am just in awe of the love of Jesus.
Today, i was standing in a long line to get more internet on my computer here.
I had my ipod in my ears and almost couldn't stand still from excitement. literally.
Some exciting things are happening.
And I'm just seeing how all of the puzzle pieces of my life are being put together.
Seemingly small things, like how relationships turned out, or a choice in school, or a result that came up on google....these things are part of the puzzle for my life.
And some pieces are coming together...and i'm getting a small glimpse of what He's up to with me.
what He's up to with the world.
And. i'm. just. blown. away.
Filled with excitement.
But blown away and knocked to my knees in humility.
No, people, there isn't "chance."
So its about time that we stop flattering ourselves with the idea of chance at all.
There isn't coincidence.
There isn't just a collaboration of events that wind up at some random place that turned out rather nice.
There is a plan.
And behind that plan -- the plan for you and for me--
There is God.
A God way bigger than me, way more beautiful than any of our minds could ever fathom, and a God who loves more than our hearts can even grasp.
And His heart, is beating through my life.
And i'm learning more what that looks like.
And i'm seeing the passion in that.
Guys, It's a big deal...
To even be able to be graced with the opportunity to be a light.



Now that you know whats on my heart here are some updates here at the house:
Tasha (who i wrote about sometime earlier i think?) sat up by herself for about three seconds! THIS IS  A BIG DEAL PEOPLE. Oh this made us all so excited and so hopeful for this little girls future.
JoJo (who is the cutie in the previous post) has been crawling all by himself! Without us even using food as motivation :)
The staff infection and bed bugs seem to be going away in the house. Lots of excitement about that on this end haha.
Stella (Shamim's mom) came home! She is doing so well and her spirit just baffles and inspires me. Jesus is so real through this woman, like I have never seen before. This house with all of her friends and sweet kids is going to be used as a place of healing for her  i really believe.
School is starting up for the kids. They are doing so good besides some minor focusing issues :) And it is so cute to watch them so excited about learning...hmm..maybe i have something to learn from them?
I have officially reached the max of 1938364 mosquito bites on me (but who's counting anyways?)
These brilliant kids are still busting a move every night. Waka Waka is still the favorite.
There are so many wonderful beautiful people at work in Uganda. They have each been used to teach me so so so much. Ah i love the beauty of timing and relationships with new friends.
So stinkin' cool.


Please listen to this song today.
I have been loving it lately.

1 John 5
vs. 2
"This is how we know that we love the children of God: by loving and carrying out His commands. This is love for God: to obey His commands. And His commands are NOT burdensome...for everyone born of God overcomes the world."
wow.
amen.
& hallelujah!

praying tonight that wherever God has me and wherever He brings me...
May it be well with my soul....
Praying this for you, too.


Much much much love :)

A Day in the Life of Jojo.

Hmm the things that JoJo teaches me.

Well he teaches me about humor. He makes me laugh EVERY DAY. 

He teaches me the creativity of our Creator.

Yeah, he's just super hilarious. As  you can see. And brings out the goofy in me.

I love him lots.

And yeah, this is JoJo.

JoJo lives his life by expressing himself through facial expressions. I hope you get a little glimpse of his awesome sassy personality through these pictures :)

much much much love to you all!

Love is a beautiful thing.

Today has been....
beautiful.
emotional.
confusing.
numbing.
redeeming.
hilarious.
sorrowful.
joyful.
hopeful.
Yep, all in one day.

Today, as we were climbing the slippery, wet, muddy, vibrant red dirt hill...
I was flooded with thoughts.
We were climbing this little hill to go visit a hurting mama.
To let her know that we love her and care for her and support her.
To let her know that we are her family, too.
We were there to see her little girl for the last time.

The scene of a tiny little girl, wrapped up in cloth showing only her beautiful face and tiny hands, lying
completely still on the floor,
with a weeping mourning mother over her.
Well, it's a scene that in my mind tonight....i never want to have to be a part of again, honestly.

I want to use this post to pay tribute to a beautiful woman tonight.
Her name is Stella.
And she is the weeping mother laying over her little girl that she fought so desperately for.
That she loved with her whole heart.
And that she carried until the very end of her little life.

Stella.
Has no 'reason' to be as stunning and joyful as she is.
She has lost two husbands to illness...
She is struck with an incurable illness herself.
And she had a beautiful baby girl who was healthy.
Until TB and an ear infection came.
And then she didn't have money for transport.
And the TB and ear infection went to little Shamim's brain.
And the brain damage took place.
Shamim wasn't born with brain damage, sickness gave it to her.
Sickness that, with medical care, could have been taken care of.
So when Shamim came to Ekisa, she was stiff, so skinny, couldn't see well, couldn't talk, couldn't walk, couldn't mumble, couldn't communicate.
Her brain was so damaged.
And do you know what Stella did?
She walked around this house and FLAUNTED her daughter.
She showed her off and said her name over and over again as she entered the room...almost as if she was saying, "look who is entering the room. The stunning, brilliant, and talented Shamim herself."
She loved this baby girl.
She fed her even when it took hours for her to take a small bit of a bottle and hold it down.
She came to us even when she had the slightest fever or cough...always concerned about her sweet girl above herself.
When Shamim was crying, Stella just rocked her and smiled her brilliant smile and laughed while singing, "Shaaamiimmm. Shaaammmiiimm."
This is no exaggeration. This is how Stella loved.
Unconditionally
and
Wholeheartedly.
Her daughter was a rock-star in her eyes.
Her daughter was perfect in her eyes.
Her daughter just blew her away.

And today, she weeped the loss of her daughter that she so passionately loved and fought for.
Each day Shamim was in the hospital, Stella was holding her and singing to her.
I will never erase from my memory the sight of Stella washing Shamim's little teeny purple socks and hanging them over the balcony of the hospital.
Shamim didn't need clean socks.
They weren't even that dirty.
But to Stella, Shamim deserved those clean little socks. It was important to Stella that she knew how much her mama loved her.
Shamim went to Heaven knowing that her mama was her biggest fan here on earth.

And today as the cries of a mother's broken heart filled my ears.
I wanted to push them away. My heart hurt, and I didn't want to remember that sound.
I don't.
But as i sat there in that small hut doing all i can to pray comfort over Stella.
I didn't want to see the good at the moment. I couldn't find it. I looked for it, but it was hard to see.
I just couldn't find the good.
And then, like a waterfall of grace washing over me, i saw it.

Through Stella, I saw a glimpse of how Jesus loves me. How he loves this earth.
And how He anguishes over losses.
And how He fights till the very end.
And how He sees very underserving people, deserving.
And how He loves us and holds us through things even when it may seem pointless in our blemished eyes.

Thank you, Stella.
Thank you for showing me what unconditional love looks like.
Thank you for showing me the reality of true raw emotions.
They just revealed more of your heart today.
And they showed me more of the Father's heart today.
I felt and heard how His heart breaks over a broken world.

And thank you, Shamim.
For showing me strength.
For showing me beauty.
And teaching me to love in a deeper way than i ever imagined.
I'm so thankful that i could rub your little back on Monday and tell you how beautiful you were.
Thanks Shamim, for surrending to Jesus when He called you home.
For reminding me how fleeting life is.
But oh how precious and important it is.

OH!
This evening, I got to go on a date.
Yes three very handsome boys went into town with me for ice cream.
Zak, Jason, and Walter.
Me and emily could not contain our laughter just about the whole time.
Oh what a good end to a day :)
These kids, are something else.
I'm telling you what.

Much much love today :)

Meemster.

Today, little Shamim just stopped breathing.
Out of all of the medical problems she has had and was having, she just stopped breathing.
Peacefully.
Beautiful.

It's hard to understand.
And honestly, even a little hard to accept.
I'm not handling this like any superstar at all, today has been a tough day.
I have more questions than answers.
More hurt than understanding.

BUT I do have the hope of there being Jesus in this life, and after death.
He is there. With her. She is dancing happily before Him now.
She is full.
She is whole.
She is singing singing singing.
Her little body is in peace.

And as many questions as I have.
As much as it hurts, to loose a little girl who i fell in love with so quickly.
As much as I will hate to see her mama go through the grief.
I'm thankful.
Thankful that she isn't struggling anymore.
Thankful that I got to spend a day with her at the hospital on Monday.

Death. I'm a newbie at it to be honest.
Especially that of a child.
It was TB.
Then an ear infection.
And she needed a few dollars for transportation to get help.
If she would have gotten that help earlier on, she may have been ok.
But a few dollars for transport.....

Like I said, more questions than answers.
But answers aren't really the point. Some things, in this mind of mine, really won't make sense. Ever.
And right now, I can't see the greater good yet.
Except for the fact that Shamim is happy. And whole. And healthy.
And that is enough.
Enough to rest in.
Thanks, Jesus. For being there.
In life and after life.

Wasn't she just stunning?!

Meemster and her tiny self.

Filthy feet.

Knotty unwashed hair.

Lizards everywhere.

Snuggling with kiddos who have 

ring worm.

Staff infection.

And all sorts of yummy fungus going on.

Giving I.V. injections.

Getting thrown up on.

All these things are part of my every day life for now.

And i love it, i am so incredibly excited and happy and humbled at the place God has set before me for the next months.

But can i just tell you how true one word is...TRANSFORMATION.

You see, if you would have told me about two years ago that this is what would be in my daily life.

1. would. have. rolled my eyes. and. laughed.

You think i’m kidding, well i can assure you that i’m not.

Literally, i may have gotten sassy.

And responded with a “What?! No i love big cities. I have to wash my sheets once a week. I must wear make up and fix my hair daily. I prefer nice things. Not expensive things, just nice things. I like to fit in with the crowd. A dirty third world country, please! That would be a joke. Give me a nail file, and i’m happy.”

If you don’t believe me, ask my parents.

Sure, i have always been the same curious person. 

I’ve always been me.

But oh my word being here, at the young age of eighteen i have gone through SO many seasons trying out so many things to figure out who i want to be or what i want to be like.

And over the past two years.

God has wrecked me piece by piece.

And here I am.

And so many specific things have happened reminding me that yes, His timing is so perfect.

And so tonight, the beauty of His transformation in a life...in my life,

is blowing me away.

Oh i was so lost. Searching and searching for who I was.

And in the midst of trying to be everyone else, me was no longer there, really.

And then the amazing grace stepped in.

And He began to chip me away piece by piece.

And my heart started to beat..really beat...to the exact rhythm that He made for me.

And i began to see what freedom really felt like.

And i began to rest.

To rest in who I am.

And i’m still learning to attune my eyes and ears to how He specifically made me.

My passions, talents, and desires are there for a reason.

And i’m learning so so much how that plays into sharing Jesus with people.

No one person is alike. And that is so okay.

That is beautiful, actually.

So when people say “Yep, that’s just Jessica.”

Well, yeah it is.

Here i am.

 And me is all I have to offer. 

Me, saved and transformed by a relentless God.

And so in the midst of presenting and sharing me...who i am...with the world around me.

Jesus is shining, I pray.

And there you are.

You are you. You were made to be you. 

Not the you desperately chasing after temporary things to fill voids and desires.

But you created PERFECTLY by the most stunning Artist.

YOU are a piece of art. THE only piece of art like you. Created to specifically display the  beauty of your Creator in the way He designed you too.

I think what i love about this home is all of the different brains here.

Each one of these kids are so obviously different -- so unique.

And here they are...day after day...just being themselves.

Not chasing after any trends or stereotypes...they are just them.

And i believe we all have something to learn from these sweet kids with their crazy different unique brains.

These kids are teaching me something big to accept the way God made me as the most beautiful kind of worship.

We. Are. Here.

And what we choose to do with that..is well, just that.

A choice.

So today i encourage you to choose joy.

Choose Love. True love.

There’s power in it. 

Oh goodness is there ever.

I will again repeat.

“Wherever YOU are. Be all there.”

So much to learn in that.

Much love :)

I believe in a peace that rules.

Goodness. 

It’s a bummer, sometimes.

To fall madly in love with a child who may be just fine if she had the medical care that i did when i grew up.

To wish a little child up to Jesus.

So she can be home, and at peace, and without pain.

It’s not natural.

It’s not what I’m used to.

To fully claim a child into the hands of her Creator because there is no doctor to turn to who can help.

It’s heart - wrenching.

It’s a bummer that you have to beg a doctor to fight for a little girls life because to them, it is of no importance.

It’s a bummer that a mom and dad will bring their two adorable children to our front door, wanting to drop them off.

They don’t want them.

That’s just what they had to say.

They want their other son...but these two....they weren’t good enough for them.

It’s just a wave of emotions.

And i’m learning so much.

How to see joy among pain.

And i’m learning to see hope among the seemingly hopeless.

I’m blown away more and more that at the end of the day, I have a living Hope.

And the Hope is alive.

And the Hope is radiant.

And the Hope is so real.

And the Hope i have can allow me to sing songs at the end of the day.

Sing songs with a full heart.

Yes, 

I hate the very idea of a little one who i love just longing to be home, at her real home, away from this pain...

and i hate the thought of a mama -- desperate to not loose her little girl.

And I hate the very idea that a family can come and just say please take my children because i don’t even want them.

And i hate the idea that a little boy had to die because his little body couldn’t take it after so much fighting.

These things aren’t warm and fuzzy.

They aren’t attractive.

And sometimes it’s all confusing and not fun to process.

But here’s what I’m blown away at.

That as much as i hate nasty things like this have to happen on earth,

I love the very thought of a little boy standing whole before her Father.

I love the thought that He loves these kids way more than i could ever imagine or understand.

I love the very thought that His ways are higher than mine.

I love knowing that as many things as there are going on in the world, He has the whole world in His hands. And He is carrying this little girl even now. And He knows the exact number of days He has for her.

And i love that there is a bigger plan beyond today.

So as much as i don’t understand, I’m serving someone who does understand. And who knows. And who has a plan.

And as much as I question.

And as much as I get lost in confusion.

And as much pain as there is.

And as much sickness as there is.

Praise the Lord, there is life beyond today.

And as much as my heart is aching and my mind is wandering.

It makes this fire in my heart bigger.

It grows this passion in my heart stronger and stronger with every hard moment.

I want people to know the Truth.

And to be free from the bondage of this world.

At the end of the day,

I’m here to bring Hope.

And me and my little self really has no hope to bring.

But I’m breathing daily in the Living Hope.

And oh how people need it, everywhere they are desperate for Truth.

It’s a lot.

And I’m learning a lot.

And being exposed to a lot.

Maybe even some stuff that i would have chosen to just do without.

But in it all.

My heart is bursting and shouting for people to know truth.

And to truly be whole.

Because i’m seeing how fleeting life is.

And how little it is about me.

And somehow, amidst all the tears and questions and fears and doubts, i am thankful.

Thankful for being exposed to the fleetingness and fragility of life.

But desperate to share the Good News with people.

So they too, can share in Hope.

A cute picture of sleep JoJo 

cute josh

And oh my word some WONDERFUL things happening here. 

The kids now have “Bieber Fever” thanks to Auntie Jess. (who may just be a closet Bieber fan herself) 

They also know how to dance to Party Rock (they do it so much better than me) and Party in the U.S.A. ( my personal favorite)

It’s the most adorable and fun and joyful thing. 

Noise (LOTS of it) and laughter ring throughout the room and almost drown out the music.

I love teaching and showing these kids to dance! It’s such a beautiful release for them and oh my word do their personalities come out. It’s honestly been the coolest blessing for me.

This is all a bit jumbled.

But as is my mind.

This was on my heart to write tonight though, so praying that it does some good for someone!

much love :)

Get excited.

Lots on my mind, so i thought i'd share a journal with you from the other night.



I never knew that so many stars existed in the sky at night until I came here.
It's beyond brilliant...there seems to be millions of huge stars squirting and blinking out so much light and sparkles that light up the whole entire sky.
They blink and twinkle so brilliantly that its almost as if they are talking to you -- or singing maybe.
Tonight, as i played temporary night guard (haha) I was at a literal loss for words -- completely captivated by the sheer beauty of it all.
It made me feel so. incredibly. small.
And gladly, so.

The stars.
A small but significant way of God revealing His brilliant mind to the world.

The past week, there has been a lot of sickness around here.
And with more sickness comes a bigger awareness of the total lack of medical care available here.
It's shocking -- I never truly realized how blessed I was to grow up with the doctor care that I did.
Please, next time you go to the doctors just be thankful for them. For real.

But under this brilliant piece of art work (aka. the sky).
With the stars in all of their gleaming glory, and with the huge moon smiling amidst it all.
I'm reminded.

I'm reminded that life is so much bigger than little me.
I'm reminded that..yes, God IS good.
Even in it all, He is good.
And that never ever changes.
And just like the stars in the sky, He is our light that is leading me into beautiful places.
And they are beautiful simply because He is there.

Allowing myself to submit to the beauty in the world, is choosing to acknowledge the artist and to love Him even more.

The Creator, He is everywhere.
He is in it all.
Even in the rolling hills and the brilliant fields.
He is in the dark evening sky and in every sunrise.
He is there -- whispering for us to see Him.

And under a star-filled night, I'm filled with excitment and laughter.

The Maker of this beautiful sky is leading my life?!
Oh, yes.

I'm reminded of how small I am tonight.
But filled with excitement about showing the world who is behind every sunrise and starry night.

"I see Your face in every sunrise. The colors of the morning are inside your eyes."
Wow. wow. wow.
He is there.
And oh my goodness, is He good.

Check this out. It is pretty neat.

Much much much love :)