Life as of late.

So lately. a lot has been going on. Lots of big things and lots of little things. All in the same, beautiful things.
Some hard, yes.
Some easier, yes.
But believing that in the end they all end up in beauty (maybe not beauty as the world defines it)
Because I'm continuing to learn eucharisto.
Finding thankfulness in ALL things. Seeing nothing as mundane.  But everything as important. The serious, the funny, the sad, the hard, and the crazy. all of it. I am so thankful for.

In the past weeks I have cried many tears at the loss of sweet friends in the past months. Important people in my life who have left because their time here on earth was completed. They came and served exactly how they were supposed to. And Jesus wanted them Home -- to their real home. So to home they went.
And I can hear it now. Each being greeted by the words very boldly proclaimed to them, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."

In the past weeks, I've learned to love Africa more. The people and culture, as crazy and irritating as sometimes it can be -- well, I've fallen harder in love with it and its craziness. I'm learning the importance of getting to know each persons name that I am in contact with -- even contact information sometimes -- and not just merely stopping at "hello, thank you for helping me." But names -- they are important.
And even though I get called crude remarks by men daily and get slapped in the face with a rolled up newspaper from a random person, I've learned to love it. To laugh at it sometimes.
To love and appreciate different cultures -- without comparing it to my own. And seeing God in a bigger way, His heart and creativity, through the vast differences in cultures of the world.

In the past weeks, I've loved on some of my favorite kids in the planet. Danced with them. Prayed with them. Put them in time- out (plenty of times), swing with them, laugh with them, helped them when they fall down and get hurt. These kids have become my family. My love. I would do ANYTHING for them. In the past weeks, I've realized and learned even more how very little genetics have to do with loving children as they are your very own.

In the past weeks, I have made leaps in my medical knowledge. I put in my first IV into another  person (successfully the first time!), and I have put in a suppository because I had no other option due to a very high fever in this little guy. For those of you who don't know what that is, just don't look it up. It's gross. And not so pleasant. But my little man was sick and nothing was working and I was in charge for the day -- so it had to be done. Maybe this is too much detail, but just wanted to say that I'm learning a lot more how to care for the sick!

In the past weeks, I've met people. People that need help. People that don't ask for it, but when I talk to them their heart pours out. And with the help of a donation, I'm getting the opportunity to just be a small part in helping my friend, William, send his kids to school. And I've gotten to help neighbors who just need help with transport. And my sweet friend, Constance, who sells avocados in the market -- her son is having trouble affording school. SO i get the chance to just go buy an avocado from her every day and occasionally some bananas and soda, too. This gives me a chance to love her, talk to her, and support her family. But I just desire her to know that I see her as a friend that I've gotten to meet. Not a charity case. That. I. just. love. her.

In the past weeks, I've had lots to think through and lots to process. I've had to pray a lot and read a lot. I've gotten to see sunsets from waking up at 5 am. And i've gotten the beauty of strong coffee (shout out to starbucks verona blend) in the mornings. I've gotten to enjoy fresh fruit every day for breakfast. I've gotten to raft down the Nile River...twice. I've gotten to see the source of the Nile River and soak in its history. I've gotten to sing. Play music. and lead music. I've gotten to dance, and learn even more dance moves. I've gotten better at wall sits and at speaking Lugandan. I've gotten better at bargaining.
I've gotten closer to friends here, and met some pretty awesome new ones.
I've gotten to see more of who God is.. really is... apart from religion.
In the past weeks, I've failed a lot. And over reacted a lot. And not done the right thing a lot.
But in that, I'm seeing grace abound all the more.
And that makes me excited.
In the past weeks, I've missed my friends and family back home. Sometimes, so much that it hurts.
But at the same time, I'm so grateful for the family -- the community that I have here. A home away from home.

In the past weeks I've learned that wherever God leads me in the future, even in the next year....that this time in my life, this opportunity to live and serve in Uganda, I will never regret.
It was a pounding on my heart that got to be put into reality last year.
And for now, it's perfect.
Not sure what the future looks like, but its okay.
Serving these children. Finding them families. Learning more about this country and all my sweet Ugandan friends here (and even some, not so sweet).
It's all worth it.
It's all perfect in the timing.
And I will NEVER regret this. Because when there is a passion put inside of us, and we pursue it with the utmost respect honesty and aggression....
I believe it will play out exactly as it should.
And everyones lives look different.
But i encourage you now, to see the moment -- the very moment that you are in now -- and see it for what it is worth. It's perfect timing. You are there for a reason. So be there. Soak it in. Learn. Love. Challenge. Grow. Mess up. And start over daily.
Just. be. all. there.

much love :)

oops....

There is an update post coming soon tonight!
promise.
sorry about the lack of them :)

Glimpses

While most of my work for now consists of email work and communication.....
(Yes, this is my office. Oh how i love being an unproffesional proffesional :)

So i wanted to give you a glimpse of things around me.
Wonderful parts of my every day.

random costume parties.

With the most random costumes ever.

Glimpses of some legit people at this house. Kids. Staff. and all.

This angel of a girl. My Deborah.

My new friends who are all patients at the Psychiatric Hospital who I get to go hang out with and love.

So happy about this beautiful place, my second home.

more updates to come soon.
Updates about the kids, life, and all of my crazy new friends at the mental hospital and the time that I get to spend there.

Much love :)

The other day.

A wise man told me the other day to appreciate and love my dad because he was one of the most incredible and selfless men that he knew.
I agreed.
A wise man told me the other day that he had been praying for me ever since I was a little girl.
And I knew he wasn't just saying that. I knew that his very prayers were part of where I'm at today.
A wise man told me the other day that he loved me.
And I believed it. It was different than the day today "i love you"'s thrown around every day.
It was desperate. Sincere. And so radically pure.
A wise man told me the other day to achieve every dream that I needed to achieve....tomorrow...and to allow that to put my dreams -- what really matters -- into perspective.
And it made sense. Because there he was in his hospital bed, achieving his dream of fiercely loving his family and of showing people Jesus even in the very hardest.
A wise man told me the other day to take it one day at a time.
And i saw -- right there in front of my own eyes -- those words in true action.

My life has been officially changed by the life of a man that has been there for my dad in work and just in true friendship.
And been in my life as an example of everything a man should be.
An example of joy.
Of craziness and jokes.
And of love, love bigger than I've really seen before.

This wise man told me all of this on a not even ten minute skype conversation that I was able to have with him the other day thanks to some little miracles.
And it spoke straight to me.
And in his last days, he chose to be used. And was used. His very words to me -- filled with purpose. And perfect timing.

And now he's not here on this earth anymore.
And I dont really understand all of this death stuff. It seems to be happening too much lately.
It baffles my mind about how a person can just stop breathing.

And as MUCH as i just freaking don't understand.
I know truth. And truth is just TRUE.
That this wise man lived for something, for the ONE thing.
So his life, in fact, is not over. It is just beginning.
And here on earth, yeah I don't really get it.
But man, the comfort of life after death.
Of hope.

And so i just wanted to write this out. So maybe you can learn from his words too.
So that his heart will live on through what he will continue to teach people through these words and in the countless other ways he was involved in people's lives.

Life here on earth only happens once.
And we don't have all the time on the earth.
So may this painful day continue to teach me to carry on.
And make the days count. And to allow my heart to be awakened with dreams. Dreams that matter.
And may those take action, tomorrow.
and the next day.
and the next.
one. day. at. a. time.

Thank you Mr. David.

Just a pineapple.

Pineapple.
They are everywhere here.
So cheap. So available. So wonderful.
But it was just one pineapple today that put life into perspective for me today.
Yes, a pineapple.
Sounds silly, right?
Please, let me explain.

Pineapple is one of my favorite fruits. They are so unique in their flavor.
And just so beautiful and exotic looking inside and out.
And pineapple is just one of many kinds of fruits in the world.
No one on earth invented them.
No one person thought up their flavor.
No one person on earth thought up their cool design on the inside and out.
Not one person here on earth thought up each intricate part of a pineapple.
No one.
And yet, they are so unique.
So perfect.
I know that all of you reading this may not believe in a Creator.
But just bear with me, if you will.
Pineapples are so specifically designed and so perfectly put together.
And they don't even have souls.
They are just a....thing.
But this pineapple, came from the very intricate and very perfect mind of a creator -- THE Creator.

He could have created one type of food for us. And we wouldn't even have known the difference because it would have been all we knew.
But no, through His creations, He is showing us his heart.
He is showing us His heart.
His mind for detail.
His creativity.
His bigness.
His love for humanity -- in the fact that He desires us to enjoy His vast and beautiful creation.
He loves for us to enjoy pineapples.
To acknowledge the wind as something bigger than just air that is moving.
He loves for us to see that each bird is singing in their own specific way because that is what they were CREATED to do.
Every single fruit and vegetable shows a little piece of His heart.
As silly as it may sound, it's true.
And it shows His sovereignty.
I know that its just a pineapple I'm talking about here.
And it may be a little elementary, but it was blowing my mind this morning,
Does it make sense that all of these things, a pineapple and ALL of creation, 'just happened'?
That it all just popped up one day with no personality of a Creator at all?
Well, to me it doesn't.

Every tree.
Every bird.
Every cloud and rain drop.
Every sunset, sunrise, and starry night.
Every pineapple.
Every coffee bean (haha if you're like me you are like oh yes!! Definitely this one)

They are all here to remind us of something bigger than ourselves.
To help put life into perspective when things get hard or confusing.

To remind us that God is not some distant figure.
That He is here.
Alive and active.
In the wind -- allowing it to blow.
And that He is beautiful.
The very originator of beauty and creativity.
And to remind us that if he cares about the beautiful design of a pineapple, how much more, then, does he care about us?
His beloved creation. His people.
In His image.
He cares. More than we can fathom!
And He is in the plants, rains, winds, and everything else alive on this planet and universe.
He is there whispering, or even shouting, that He loves us -- fiercely loves us more than all of these things.
And He desires to know us -- to use us.
Me and You.
He is just so in control.
Isn't it amazing and exciting that there is a God bigger than us that we get to live for.
My word, what I sad day it would be if I was the only one to live for.
Where is the adventure in that, anyways?

The Creator of our very spirits -- madly cares about us.

"...What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey Him."  Matthew 8:27

May this NEVER stop blowing our minds.



Perspective. This is what a little pineapple taught me today.

Much love :)

“All this beauty exists so you and I can see His glory, His artwork. It's like an invitation to worship Him, to know Him.”

So i got the opportunity to ride on a boat. 

To a little island.

And we got to visit a school. A school that doesn't have much. But desires to educate kids and teach them about God's love. And so with little, they are doing what they can.

So we got to bring pens and pencils to the kids. And they sang for us. And performed all the things they had learned. 

But pens and pencils was all. 

The school was made of mud, and didn't have a good roof. They got rained in a lot. And all the kids didn't have a place to sit. But pens and pencils was what we got to bring. And it's all they needed. You would have thought that we just brought them the finest of all gifts.

And then again, I'm reminded. 

Thats its not about what we do.

Or what we give.

Or to the extent that we give.

It's not solely about those things.

It was just pens and pencils.

But to them, it was everything.

Because we came to them. That was important to them.

They didn't ask for anything.

And every time that I go to "give" something like this, I end up gaining a lot more. 

And learning once again, that its not about me.

And its not about things.

My word if you read through the Bible, Jesus wasn't going around giving tons of goods away.

He didn't have much with him on the earth -- materially speaking.

But he lived to show us to give something greater than any object.

That its about giving love.

Giving attention.

Giving unconditional favor towards people.

And that if I look to these people as charity acts or as lesser people than I, I am missing the whole point.

Because there are none greater on this earth.

And if my heart is to really serve. If we are praying for God to show us how to serve, I think that we have a lot to learn from the very way He lived on the earth.

He didn't serve charity cases.

He wasn't this big man handing out fliers.

He was one of them. Among them.

Among the dirty, poor, and sinners.

He was just there with them.

Loving them.

Talking to them.

And LISTENING.

Listening so intently because their story mattered to them.

In fact, their stories were everything to Him, the reason He came to the earth in the first place.

I have friends who I learn a lot about this from.

And I'm so pumped that I have people in my life I can watch and learn from.

Because me, sometimes, likes to get the superhero mentality.

And gets caught up on the DO.

And i'm thankful for people in my life who are just tangible proof of how God works in our hearts to be real towards people.

To just spend time with people.

And show them truth by our very lives.

And its THEN that change happens.

Because I can give out things all day.

Give out hand outs all day.

And at the end of the day, all that people got out of it was a good pencil.

And I could title this, "Showing love by just a few pens and pencils." 

Ha, but that's not it. Not it at all. 

Giving is good and it is NECESSARY. We are called to give things to people in need.

But Heaven forbid our hearts, my heart, becomes JUST about giving out good pencils to people.

Because then, those people will die,

with a good pencil in their hands,

that got them no where.

You see where I'm going with this?

RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE.

Africa, Central America, Georgia...

People need to be heard.

They have stories to tell.

And hearts that are hurting.

People need friends, true friends, who won't let them fall.

People need truth.

And here I am learning this again.

And these beautiful people, once again, are teaching me to just be a friend.

And to be real. Because we are all on the same level here. Not one single person above the other. African or American.

Below the poverty line or not below the poverty line.

It's not about charity work.

Because we are all crazy sinners saved by Grace.

And Grace alone.

^26-31Take a good look, friends, at who you were when you got called into this life. I don't see many of "the brightest and the best" among you, not many influential, not many from high-society families. Isn't it obvious that God deliberately chose men and women that the culture overlooks and exploits and abuses, chose these "nobodies" to expose the hollow pretensions of the "somebodies"? That makes it quite clear that none of you can get by with blowing your own horn before God. Everything that we have—right thinking and right living, a clean slate and a fresh start—comes from God by way of Jesus Christ. 

-The Message. 1 Corinthians 1

Thought of the morning.

I have a lot of things to update about things going on here!
But until I have more time to really sit down and write it all out, I wanted to share a thought that was on my mind today.
Matthew 7:21-23.
I would encourage you guys to just really dig into the Bible.
Yes, sometimes it can be scary. And sometimes it's easier (and also really good) to read other books ABOUT the Bible.
But when you really look into what it has to say, that these are the VERY words the Creator of the whole world has to say, it changes things. It does for me. It's exciting and scary all at the same time.
But humbling, too.
To know that these very words are here to correct us, help us, and to challenge us in life.
And that every single bit of it is Truth. Pure truth.

Anyways,
I was reading through Matthew this morning and came upon these verses. I've read them before, but this morning they hit me really hard.

“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. ²² Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ ²³ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’"








I know this verse may seem intimidating. Harsh. and unattractive.
And it is harsh. And it does intimidate me and challenge me.
But what it's saying is powerful and really really neat.

Jesus is saying that a lot of people come to Him saying that they have done all of these great things. And even great things in His name. They had healed people and their "to do" list in life was looking pretty great in the worlds eyes. And they really believed they had it right with God.
This is my own paraphrase, but I can see me talking to Jesus like, "Oh I have done all of these awesome things. I mean I went to Africa. I'm helping children. And telling people about you." We all can in our own ways... "Look what I did for you. Look how i handled this situation. I've done these great things. I have given away so much..."
Because I do approach life that ways sometimes.
By what I do and don't do.
By a checklist.
By my behavior and actions.
"But Jesus, I am good. I am doing good."

But do you know what He said to those people in the verse. "Apart from me, you evildoers. I NEVER KNEW YOU."

Sounds harsh and unfair, right?
Initially, it did to me. And yeah, it is harsh.
And then it hit me. That this so vividly portrays God's heart.
That our actions and deeds is not what it is about.
That our behavior isn't what it's about either.
It's about nothing that we DO.

He just desires to know us.
To know me.
Apart from what we do, He desires the very core of us. Our hearts.
And from what is inside of our hearts, our actions will overflow.

And when I read through the Psalms.
A man after God's own heart wrote these chapters.
And some of them sound angry and hurt.
Some of his words explain how he doesn't understand things.
Throughout these chapters, he isn't trying to flatter God in any way.
In fact, he questions God. Doesn't understand a lot. He gets angry sometimes.
But Jesus knew him, because he desired to know God.
He didn't desire to show or portray a routine.
He was real in the face of his Maker.


Hmmm....and that's something that I'm learning.
And digging out what that really looks like.
To worship not for show but really from the core of me, even when I don't completely understand it all.
To really seek out truth and not just what I've been told by others.
For my God to know me.
And my real heart, not just my actions or behavior.
But my heart.

To be real.
Crazy real, before my Maker.


Much love :)