Home is wherever we are if there's love there, too.

Sam. 

A 7 year old little guy.

Who came to us in May with his little brother, Elijah.

Sam.

A 7 year old little guy who’s past is, at the moment, beholding a lot of unknown and unanswered questions for us.

Sam.

A 7 year old little guy who came into an unfamiliar home with a lot of unfamiliar kids -- his only familiar face being his little brother who came to this crazy house with him.

Sam.

Well, Sam just began as most kids do in their natural resilience and ran around the yard and played with the other kids a little bit.

Slowly warming up to his new surroundings.

I wonder all too often what this must feel like.

You see, for me as a child I sometimes felt a bit awkward jumping into new scenes at school or other social settings, but I always knew that I had home to go to afterwards.

I always had home.

And here here was, another child that didn’t have a home to look forward to after being introduced to a strange place.

This strange place for now, would be his home.

And so he did what he knew.

He adjusted.

Quiet, he was. 

But he was adjusting, nonetheless.

And my oh my was he cute.

Day by day, he continued to grow and to love.

And he found a new best friend.

Walter.

This is one thing I love about Ekisa.

Although, they do not desire for ANY child to stay an any sort of institution or orphanage long term, they do the best they can.

They turn this place into a family.

Into one big house of dear friends.

And Sam found his buddy. And Walter found his buddy.

And a little innocent 7 year old boyish friendship was developed.

When Sam was admitted into the hospital last week, Walter immediately kept asking where Sam was. 

He was missing him and making sure that he was coming back.

When I went with Erika to stay with Sam at the hospital for a couple of days, Walter sent us with some toy trucks to give Sam to play with.

I wish you could have seen the look on this little boys face when we gave him the trucks.

And the fact that Walter gave them to him.... his face literally bursted with joy.

And the trucks haven’t left his side on that hospital bed yet.

The boys had a skype date at the hospital.

And they mostly just waved and shared long stares.

I guess that’s what you can expect for two 7 year old boys to do on skype.

Stare, and show off their toy trucks to each other.

But this little skype date.. you see, it made both of the boys gleam.

Because they know now what its like to have a best friend.

And they know what its like to love.

Two little boys brought to Ekisa by pretty horrendous circumstances.

But both were brought here at two separate times for a purpose.

They would meet, and slowly without even knowing it begin to heal each other’s hearts.

Because friendships are healing.

We were created for relationships.

And they are getting a glimpse of that now.

So I could sit here and tell you all of the insane things I’ve been learning in the past couple of days.

And I could type out every little thing that’s been happening lately to remind myself that we can only rest in grace alone apart from any circumstance on earth.

I could sit here and tell you all of the incredible things going on here.

And I will.

But in this post I just want to take a moment to praise this place that I’ve gotten to spend the past year with.

Ekisa.

It’s a home that turns strangers into friends.

A place that literally turns sadness into dancing...lots of dancing.

It’s a place of healing and a place of hope for most of these kids who never knew hope.

It’s a place of love, a love of such magnitude that it can overwhelm me sometimes.

It’s a place where kids are protected and loved when all they were exposed to prior in life was abuse.

It’s a place that restores starving bodies, but also by the sheer Grace of God restores starving souls.

It’s a place that’s not perfect.

And it’s not even claiming to be.

Running a house for 23 special needs kids is not so easy.

Not so easy, at all.

But its a place that does the best they can day by day.

And never goes a day without smiles. And laughter. And dancing.

They are doing the best they can one day at a time.

To use this home they have to shine a greater good to the world -- and the community here in Uganda.

To shine THE only good.

So I just wanted to put it into perspective a bit for you.

Sam now has a best friend thanks to God’s perfect placement of him in this home.

And Walter now has his best bud, too.

And even though Sam is going through immense unfathomable pain in the hospital, he know that he has a whole army of people fighting for him.

He knows that even when the shots hurt him, he has someone now beside him holding his hand.

He knows that when he’s hungry, he has people around him ready to help him eat.

He knows that even when he has to go to the bathroom and can’t walk, everyone around him with help him do even that.

Sam knows love.

And by that, he is showing all of us way more about love than we can ever show to him.

His love is raw.

real.

and pretty amazing.

I don’t typically like to ask for money, but I do know that we need your help.

Help with medical bills.

And other expenses as well.

So if you would like to donate, please email me at jakins92@gmail.com

or just go to www.ekisa.org/donate and the instructions are there you can follow for a donation.

It’s not about money.

It’s not about numbers.

It’s just about what we are all representing, giving, and showing in this life.

Whether it be by giving a check or by giving a toy truck as a gift, it’s all the same since its about the heart behind it all.

And its just about lives -- being lived under the surrender of the author that’s telling everyones story, afterall.

So thank you thank you thank you for just prayers.

They are needed and they are so so heard.

much love :)

A good visitor.

“We are all just visitors here on earth. And JoJo was a good visitor,” she said in her heavy Ugandan accent as she stood during our last minute morning memorial service on the porch.

We were all there, crammed on the front porch...kids, staff, and friends....celebrating the life that had been taken away early that morning under the cool breeze.

“We are all visitors.” 

She sighs. clasps her hands together. and looks down.

“And JoJo was a good visitor.”

She sits as we soak in silence the words she just spoke. Words smothered in grace that came at just the perfect time, perfectly in tune with the heart of God.

We sang one last song as we stared at the tiny coffin before us. Still in shock of the morning events.

I was on the couch all night with another little man who’s been real sick. He was asleep and I was just drifting off into sleep at around 5 am.

And then I awoke to one of the night workers.

“Auntie. Auntie.”

They seemed calm but urgent at the same time. 

All three of the night workers, standing over me all in a blurr due to my sleepy eyes.

I sit up.

“Yes? What is it?”

“JoJo, he has died.”

Sure that they were just confused on their english, I asked them to repeat what they had just said. I had been in that bedroom just two hours before and JoJo was there completely fine and healthy and cute as ever.

He was totally okay. and alive.

They repeated, “JoJo, he has passed away. I am sorry.”

I stumbled into the bedroom he was in and the breath was taken away from me. My legs fell weak and were shaking.

To see a child and wait for him to breathe, and then he doesn’t.

The stillness quite surreal.

Not knowing what to do, and unable to make out any words, I ran to get Emily. 

And it went from there.

A life, taken away from the earth just like that.

With no sickness or warning sign.

She said there was no struggle, that it was almost as if the breath was literally peacefully taken from him. 

We sat in the room where he was prepared, and glanced over his still body in a coffin that seemed to small to be real.

We sat there while worship music literally blasted from our speakers.

There we were, those who have all loved JoJo as their own, singing and grieving over the loss of this guy.

Not sure of how to handle the shock, we just sang.

The sadness of it was looming over the house all morning.

And then she spoke, 

“JoJo was a good visitor.”

The words kept ringing in my head.

It’s almost as if the breeze was singing these words into my ears.

Into my soul.

“We are all visitors. And JoJo was a good visitor.”

And that just made perfect sense.

We can mourn death.

But we can’t rest in the sadness if we truly believe that we are but visitors here.

But how often do i hold SO tightly to the things on earth?

How often to i claim that I am in control?

Way too often.

And it was a blow to the face.

A humbling one, that I have no control over people’s days they are given to live.

JoJo could have been me.

Alive two hours before, and just like that, gone.

At first, it began to terrify me how fleeting it all is.

And to be honest, it still does.

But it challenged me.

How am i living my days and moments?

How am i loving others?

How am i choosing to live?

You see, JoJo chose to live simply.

He was given to this earth to remind us all of the beauty of living simply.

To simply love.

To simply live.

He never needed much, or asked for much except for a good hug.

He never really complained.

He always embraced who he was.

And he was gifted with his disabilities, I believe, to remind me of the simple.

So i encourage you to learn from this.

To not just be saddened, but encouraged and challenged.

To love.

To LIVE.

and to never forget the simple.

Days are fleeting.

And life is short.

So, what are you living for? Really....

What am I living for?

Because our time too, will soon be out.

And i too, desire for it to be said that I was a good visitor.

And i think that deep down, we all do.

“We are all just visitors here on earth.

And JoJo was a good visitor.”

Perfectly. Said.

Props to you little man for the time you spent here.

And thanks to God, for gifting the earth with Him.

And for giving me the past year to spend with him.

And thanks to God for his perfect timing. For his master plan, even amidst the ugliness of the world.

There is always thankfulness to be had.

And there is always a plan. Always.

So lets go for it.

One day at a time, be a good visitor.

http://vimeo.com/32978797 (copy this link into a browser to see a pretty amazing video made about JoJo about a year ago...)

much love :)

Waking up and playing.

So far on my trip.

After an eight hour flight me and dad checked into 24 hours in Amsterdam.

I've never visited a city more beautiful and horrible at the same time.

Then after a night at the hotel, we had an amazing breakfast (one reason i love hotels) and headed on our walk towards the airport.

2 mcdonalds fries and 1 latte later we were on the plane.

Dad caught up on all of his movies.

I read a whole book.

We saw the most beautiful sunset we have ever seen from thousands of feet in the air.

I never knew a shade of orange like the one we saw even existed.

Then we landed.

And the smells of Africa in all of its glory hit me immediately.

There's not much better than the smell of that fresh air.

Then we made our ways to get visas, luggage, and found our friend Job who was taking us home.

I talked on the way home while dad snored and slept talked in the back seat.

We arrived at the house at around 1 in the morning.

It was quiet which was a bit strange.

Dad went to sleep. And i stayed up until 5.

And then fell asleep on the couch.

And woke up an hour later at 6, covered in mosquito bites and freshly woken up kids.

Then we played all morning.

Then i went back to sleep.

Then woke back up and played some more.

Dad woke up at two :) 

Got him all settled into his hotel,

drove back to the house,

and caught up with all of my best friends here.

And then i took a cold shower, but quickly decided to not wash my hair.

Because well, i forgot how much of an inconvenience washing my hair can be sometimes.

And then we went out to dinner and ate....

chinese food.

And then the car broke.

And dad fixed it.

And then we came home and watched our cat play around with mice in the kitchen.

And then we all went to sleep.

And woke up again to a house of 23 kids beckoning for help that they cannot offer themselves.

And so the day continued.

And we healed some scraped toes with band aids.

Healed some busted lips from some wrestling matches.

And put kids in time out for throwing fits.

We played frisbee.

And soccer.

Went around town and ran into about 3847928374 people it seemed like who wanted to catch up.

Then we went to the market.

Got some vegetables and chicken.

And made dinner for everyone.

And then ate some ice cream while watching some movies in the quietness of all of the kids being asleep.

And now here i am, sprawled out on the couch typing this out.

To hope to give you a glimpse that life is all about what you make it.

And the way you decide to tell your stories.

Because some days will consist of just waking up and playing.

And that is so okay.

Because its all about how you see it.

"Light is sweet,
    and it pleases the eyes to see the sun. 
⁸ However many years anyone may live,
    let them enjoy them all." Eccl.11

much love :)

On the road again.....

Well its time to head off to Uganda again!!
Yep, for the third time I am setting off to one of my very favorite places on earth.
Eating breakfast in an amsterdam hotel, and waiting to leave for the short walk to the airport towards my final flight.
And my oh my, I must say that Amsterdam food is delicious and they know how to make some darn good (and darn strong) coffee. Hallelujah for that -- thanks to glorious jet lag.
Anyways, a special guest has chosen to join me this time, and yes it is the one and only Brad Akins!
I'm so pumped to have my dad come out with me again for a week. He was so incredibly amazing down there last time he came to visit, and I know the exact same thing will happen this time and he will continue to be a blessing to everyone that he meets and encounters in Uganda.
SO with not much time to say much, I will say that I am very excited and thankful for this upcoming trip. It came at a perfect time and I'll keep ya posted on life to come.
Thank you everyone for your humble support and prayers.
They mean more than I can express, really.

Toodle-loo!
      and
Much love

Celebrating the life of my mom, who saved my own life.

She was there, in her room. And there it was again -- the darkness.

Tangible darkness. Hovering over her like a close friend.

She was a little girl. Wild, resilient, and free-spirited. 

Her curly hair in a tangled mess wherever she went, but insecurities of no kind overtook her.

Confident. Strong-willed. And stubborn.

And then at night, this girl started being overtaken by dreams -- nightmares.

Nightmares that seemed more like real life. Nightmares of witches haunting her, hurting her family.

And then when she woke up from her nightmares --franticked and confused -- the nightmares were still there, alive in her room.

Shapes of darkness hovering over her. 

Paralyzing her with fear.

She felt it -- the heaviness on her chest. 

Her inability to breathe was ever present and there this little girl laid, frozen in fear.

Encompassed by evil.

Demons, choosing to hover over her. 

The nights were sleepless.

The days were filled with exhaustion and confusion.

Why wasn’t the world beautiful anymore?

She had such a beautiful life, days filled with laughter,

but what was this going on? Why was no one else seeing this?

Why? So much fear. So much confusion. So much darkness. 

And she was so little.

But those little innocent eyes were now opened to the spiritual realm.

And the darkness was fighting over her, fighting for her.

The darkness desired this little soul.

But little did she know at that time, there was a force in this spiritual realm that her eyes were opened to that desired her all the more. THE very Force -- the Creator and Rescuer of our souls. 

This little girl was me. 

And my little soul was opened up to darkness really early on in life.

Seeing what many people don’t even acknowledge in their long years of life.

That there is a battle for our souls happening. 

After I let my parents know about what was going on, they consulted some very key people in my life who helped them pray hard over my life.

And one day, while I was at school, my mom anointed and prayed over my room the whole day.

The whole day I was being prayed over by my mom and I had no idea.

That night, the darkness continued no more. I was freed. Prayer broke the bondage over my soul and Jesus took over -- allowing them to hover me no more.

I didn’t know that she had spent that whole day in prayer until years later.

Years and years after that, I’ve wondered what all of that was for.

What the purpose was of me being exposed to such evil at that young age. 

It’s still so vivid in my mind. It’s so clear to me how REAL evil is.

And as I get older, I see it more and more. Why it all happened to me. 

Why my life has gone the way it has.

Why my soul was so important to the very Creator of it. 

Why did He save me from it?

Now, just to be clear, since I stopped having hard spiritual warfare battles when I was little , my life hasn’t been all happy and free.

I’ve struggled a lot. 

I went through a lot of darkness as I got older, too.

Heavy things.

But i could always hold on to hope.

Because I knew that for some reason, I was rescued.

Jesus chose to spare me. Little messed up me.

I knew that there was a purpose.

And so here I am today.

With a total sense of freedom.

Absolute. FREEDOM.

And yet, I know that its not just meant for me. 

Freedom is meant for us all.

After-all, it is for “Freedom that Christ has set us free.” Galatians 5:1

And I’m grateful, grateful to know what freedom feels like. Physically feels like. 

And I know that I cannot ignore what I know. What I have experienced.

My eyes have seen things, and now I am held responsible to act on what I have seen.

Desiring freedom for people.

Desiring joy for people.

Desiring people (ALL people) to see that they are literal works of art.

Created for purpose.

Created. For. A. Reason.

For its when that truth encompasses our heart -- that freedom is allowed to overtake us.

And my oh my how awesome it is to be able to dance in freedom daily, regardless of circumstances.

Regardless of how things appear.

Because in freedom, we acknowledge there is ALWAYS hope.

And ALWAYS joy. 

Joy is seeing Gods goodness. Always. 

The reason that I am writing all of this -- why its so on my heart.

Is because that little girl, had a mom.

A mom who prayed. 

A mom who cared enough to get on her knees for the sake of her daughter.

A mom who was able to see a bigger picture happening.

A mom who has loved that little girl all the days of her life, so far, -- unconditionally. 

Today is my moms birthday.

And I want to tell her every wonderful thing about her and help her have a day to just celebrate herself!

But I also just want her to know how grateful I am -- like deeply grateful for her.

Yes, she is the most wonderful mom.

A mom who ALWAYS had the best dinners at home.

Who always packed the best snacks.

The mom who snuggled every morning.

The mom who danced with you.

The mom who knows

The mom that everyone was drawn too.

Everyone has always loved their Ms. Julie.

But my mom, saw the bigger picture of being a mom.

She fought, very hard for her children. 

She prayed, all day over me.

Because she knew that I was the Lords in the first place.

So today, I’m celebrating my mom. And all she means to me. 

I love her so so dearly and I’m thankful to have her in my life, as my friend.

There is NONE like her.

And today, I’m thankful. 

Thankful for each and everyday of her life. 

Thankful for her nutty crazy self.

Thankful for her hippie-soul, which has carried onto me.

Thankful for her heart.

Thankful for her spunk.

Thankful for every prayer she has spoken on my behalf.

And thankful for each and every day of life that she has given me.

I love you mom!

You are beautiful in every aspect of the word. 

Happy birthday! :)

Eyes Wide Open...

                                                                          With eyes wide open. (a journal of mine)

Eyes wide open is exactly how God intended for us to live our lives. 

But so often we awake, with eyes shut. Or sometimes when they are open, we are just searching for the first opportunity to shut them. 

And most of the time, we don’t even realize how shut our eyes really are.

It’s easy. And sometimes, it makes sense to drift away into routine. And praising Jesus for the awesome truths in His word and how they make us feel happy and secure and safe.

And then we can stop there.

With a good feeling on the inside.

Continuing on in our days. 

And then when we need comfort we run run run to the Bible.

Looking for that one verse that will remind us that He does have our best interest in mind! 

And while that is true, He truly does.

We stop there, with a good feeling on the inside.

And then our days amount to a self-indulged, civilized faith.

One that slowly pulls us into this mindset that God is some type of sedative to keep us calm and under control by dulling our senses.

One that gives us comfort in morality and legalism. 

One that relates to right and wrong as moral obligation.

One that gets us through the day and just onto the next.

Instead of knowing that we are no longer prisoners of space and times -- that we are citizens of the Kingdom of God! Like, what?!

And we must know that God is not a sedative. He does not desire for us to be dulled to reality in a false sense of security. In fact, He desires quite the opposite. 

He awakens our spirit to be truly alive. 

Instead of seeing right and wrong as a moral obligation, we are called to love good and hate evil. To be passionate about the very things that are on the heart of God. We are called to be moved from the inside -out. 

Not motivated by a moral obligation. No, its not that at all.

Ezekiel 36:26-28

“And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And i will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And i will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules. You shall dwell in the land that i gave to your fathers, and you shall be my people, and I shall be your God.”

See, 

In reality, we aren’t supposed to just get through the day. His Spirit in us -- we wake to live and live fully alive -- with our eyes wide open. 

Because somehow its easy to be caught under being civilized and forget about the power that is there. The very power of God.

And this power motivates us to love and to move. 

And sometimes, this power can cause us to just be still.

To simply take the next step under the knowledge of what life is all about. 

And to carry on under freedom. 

Freedom freedom freedom. 

We are NO LONGER OPPRESSED. 

And as long as we choose to move through life under an oppressive set of rules -- legalism -- we are not truly living free.

And when we are set free, we are moved to get closer to the heart of life -- to the heart of the very Creator.

You cannot meet the Creator of the universe and remain the same.

Sometimes, the change is slow. There is no “manual” for how this goes...no one prayer that changes everything.

But its just true, that we will just not remain the same.

It’s not possible.

Matthew 22:29 

Jesus replied, “You are in error because you do not know the scriptures or the power of God.”

Ha, i know this is directed towards me most of the time.

So I’m learning to read and to dig into and to know the scriptures. 

And i’m being awakened to the true power of God.

God is not just what you are told in school.

God is not just what you are told in church.

God is not a “subject” to be taught.

God is not found under a list of rights and wrongs. 

God is alive.

Moving about in this world. 

Everywhere. 

He. just. is.

Yearning for us to know Him -- to really know Him. 

And to carry on in life with eyes wide open. 

Because He has so much for us to see -- when we are truly looking.

SOOOOOO a lot of crazy stuff has been going on here in good ole Uganda. Things that I can’t publicly share at this time. But i do ask you to pray. Pray for this country and for the people placed in charge to govern it. Corruption is very clear here and I’ve never been a part of it like this, firsthand.

It’s all new to me. It’s scary. And it’s a lot. 

People’s lives at stake.

A lot at stake.

And boy I’m seeing the truth of the statement “Ignorance is bliss” 

I came here to work adoptions and plans have certainly changed! A lot has happened, and I’m thankful that I got to be here at such a time to serve. Serve in a way that I wasn’t really planning on -- but hey I’m learning that with eyes wide open, plans ALWAYS can change.

And that I am not in control.

Amidst the craziness, last sunday we had the most beautiful Easter. 

It started with a STUNNING sunrise and the birds seemed to be singing extra loud on that day, seriously. 

And then after a beautiful church service outside under the trees, we headed home for a pizza party.

And 18 kids, all of the staff got to sit on the front porch together.

Eating Pizza.

And it was beautiful. Because at that moments, no barriers existed. Our minds were clear and free to embrace the truths of the day.

And there we sat, just like one big family eating pizza together! 

We laughed, sang, and ate....a lot.

And everyone was just at peace. 

These kids weren’t concerned about their futures. About any sort of timeline for their life.

They were just concerned about what was in front of them -- pizza and everyone they love the most.

And so I took after them, and just sat and embraced everything that was in front of me. 

The kids that my very heart beats for.

The most wonderful friendships I have had the chance of making.

And a beautiful cool day, reminding me of the reason that we are all alive and able to live in freedom, after-all.

Because our God is alive.

Sometimes when you work in things like “orphan-care” or whatever you want to call it, its easy to forget to be still. To remember the reason why you are even working in the first place! 

It’s so easy to get caught up in the tasks of the day and forget about the reason all of these tasks are happening.

The reason that I’m on the other side of the world, anyways.

So what a perfect day to be still, and remember.

And to re-focus.

And to just be soaked in thankfulness -- gratitude apart from any results or situations.

Gratitude for however life plays out.

And that regardless of where God chooses to take me next, this Easter sunday was perfect. 

And this season in my life is perfect.

So i’m learning to continue on with my eyes just open.

Open and available to what’s next. 

And in whatever is next, I will dance on.

And laugh on.

Because at the end of the day, at the end of the hard, life still is about JOY.

And my word it is such a good thing.

“We look to Him to lead us where HE needs us most and where we ( in our own unique selves) can accomplish the most good.”

Much love :)