Thought of the morning.

I have a lot of things to update about things going on here!
But until I have more time to really sit down and write it all out, I wanted to share a thought that was on my mind today.
Matthew 7:21-23.
I would encourage you guys to just really dig into the Bible.
Yes, sometimes it can be scary. And sometimes it's easier (and also really good) to read other books ABOUT the Bible.
But when you really look into what it has to say, that these are the VERY words the Creator of the whole world has to say, it changes things. It does for me. It's exciting and scary all at the same time.
But humbling, too.
To know that these very words are here to correct us, help us, and to challenge us in life.
And that every single bit of it is Truth. Pure truth.

Anyways,
I was reading through Matthew this morning and came upon these verses. I've read them before, but this morning they hit me really hard.

“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. ²² Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ ²³ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’"








I know this verse may seem intimidating. Harsh. and unattractive.
And it is harsh. And it does intimidate me and challenge me.
But what it's saying is powerful and really really neat.

Jesus is saying that a lot of people come to Him saying that they have done all of these great things. And even great things in His name. They had healed people and their "to do" list in life was looking pretty great in the worlds eyes. And they really believed they had it right with God.
This is my own paraphrase, but I can see me talking to Jesus like, "Oh I have done all of these awesome things. I mean I went to Africa. I'm helping children. And telling people about you." We all can in our own ways... "Look what I did for you. Look how i handled this situation. I've done these great things. I have given away so much..."
Because I do approach life that ways sometimes.
By what I do and don't do.
By a checklist.
By my behavior and actions.
"But Jesus, I am good. I am doing good."

But do you know what He said to those people in the verse. "Apart from me, you evildoers. I NEVER KNEW YOU."

Sounds harsh and unfair, right?
Initially, it did to me. And yeah, it is harsh.
And then it hit me. That this so vividly portrays God's heart.
That our actions and deeds is not what it is about.
That our behavior isn't what it's about either.
It's about nothing that we DO.

He just desires to know us.
To know me.
Apart from what we do, He desires the very core of us. Our hearts.
And from what is inside of our hearts, our actions will overflow.

And when I read through the Psalms.
A man after God's own heart wrote these chapters.
And some of them sound angry and hurt.
Some of his words explain how he doesn't understand things.
Throughout these chapters, he isn't trying to flatter God in any way.
In fact, he questions God. Doesn't understand a lot. He gets angry sometimes.
But Jesus knew him, because he desired to know God.
He didn't desire to show or portray a routine.
He was real in the face of his Maker.


Hmmm....and that's something that I'm learning.
And digging out what that really looks like.
To worship not for show but really from the core of me, even when I don't completely understand it all.
To really seek out truth and not just what I've been told by others.
For my God to know me.
And my real heart, not just my actions or behavior.
But my heart.

To be real.
Crazy real, before my Maker.


Much love :)

A couple glimpses of why I love this place.

Reason #1

I went to my sweet friend, Sarah's, house for lunch and an afternoon of just hanging out and laughing. This lady is sass at its FULLEST and hilarious in every way. I just love her. She is such a mom to me here, and a reminder of how sweet life is when we just choose to learn to love Jesus and see Him so alive in the world more each day.

She lives in a one room house with her daughter.
And although they don't have much at all....
She knows I love coke so instead of buying me one,
she bought me three to make sure I had enough.
She is just a servant and shines the JOY of giving and loving expecting nothing in return.

And instead of cooking me what she normally has, she went out of her way to cook my favorite kind of rice and some beef. Beef is expensive here...more than the other stuff.
The spirit of the people here, ready to serve.
It's contagious and I love it. Learning a lot from it too.
In fact, she asked me this question while we were hanging out...

"Is it true, Jessica, the in America if someone stops by without announcing first that they are coming that a family will not go out of their way to give them their food and make them feel welcome and important?"

HMMMM.....
yeah and the fact that she invited me over for lunch which was a four hour ordeal.
Time didn't matter to her at all, she was more interested in hanging out and the conversation then the time on her watch. Pretty cool.

And a lot more special that way.



Reason #2 for the day.
Being reminded that ALL kids, no matter where in the world they are, are born with their own spunk and their own stunning smile and personality. These are some of our neighbors....

(if you double click the pictures you can make them bigger)

much much love :)

Some pictures of the superstars of the house.

Jamil.

smiles smiles

Look who's going to school now?!

The miracle boy, Issaic

Beautiful Jane.

My little stud, Walter.

These are a few of the faces that I get the privilege of advocating for and loving on each and every day. Seriously, they are the COOLEST group of kids I have ever known.
So so thankful.

love.

God’s love.

Ok so I know this topic is written about a lot.

And its on my mind...A LOT.

Because on earth, there really is no other love BUT His love because He is love.

So, any earthly love we have is a picture, a reflection, of the love that He created..that HE IS...in the first place.

Make sense?

There is no love, true love, apart from Him and who He is.

Even if people don’t even acknowledge God at all, His common grace to the world IS His love.

The sun, the moon, stars, smiles we do even as infants are all glimpses --  tangible evidence of His common grace to the world of love.

NOW...what does this even mean. I just had a thought that completely and totally baffled my mind.

WE are the picture of God’s love to the world.

I am a picture of that to the world.

In every relationship.

In everything, we are chosen to be examples -- living pictures -- of this love.

I know to some, this may seem fanciful.

And to many guys I know, this may seem all cliche and “romantic like”

Because don’t you know that all the girls are the ones frolicking around saying God is love with hearts written all around it and silly things like that.

BUT really its amazing and INTENSE and its FIERCE when you look into it for what it really means.

And i haven’t even gotten started on discovering all that this entails.

This is just me at my beginning stages, of years of searching what it really means, and still coming up way short than what I should.

This is just me ranting my thoughts and recent findings.

And it’s cool because in Africa I really get the chance to write out everything on my mind and share it.

Having a blog at home is kind of strange and desperate feeling to me (sorry for you guys who do that I LOVE reading them all)

But here, away from all the crazy business of the world, I can share what I’m writing for a change without being asked any questions. 

haha just kidding on that part. But really, I love this part about being away -- writing out things I usually just write to myself.

And lets just face it, writing from Africa is just kind of a whole lot cooler than writing from Winder, Ga. 

haha just kidding again.........

Just my crazy mind working in weird ways about when its right to blog etc. etc.

this is what happens when its late. im tired. internet is down and I start reading and get a lot of thoughts on my mind. this could be dangerous.

BUT ANYWAYS.

First we must abandon the definitions of love we have grown up in culture to believe as true.

Love is not just romance.

Love is not for personal gain.

Love is not really blind.

Love is not just a feeling.

Love isn’t even an emotion, really.

Because emotions come and go, deep rooted love, well that doesn’t go anywhere.

And i struggle with this sometimes.

Because sometimes I say that if someone has done me wrong they don’t really deserve my love.

Because I like to think that love is solely a feeling, and i “feel” more love towards certain people than I do for others. Which is okay to feel more for others in a different way. I mean you wouldn’t want to feel the same way about your wife/husband/family as you do about your strange neighbor, right? But the feeling isn’t the point. 

I choose who i want to love and those who I don’t. A lot.

Or how about this phrase. “I love them I just don’t like them”

Yeah, well I think that phrase is just a cover up for having no intentional love towards a person at all. I know I use it all too much. So we might as well be real and say “Gah lee I really don’t know if i have any love for that person at all”

So.....

Desire is in all of us. It just is. Some of us specifically desire different things, like I have no desire to be a disney princess at disney world and I usually don’t really have a desire to wear lots of make up. And i usually don’t have a desire to wear fancy clothes. And i don’t have a desire to do math problems.

Some people do! And that is so okay.

But i’m talking deeper desires. Like in Romans 8 when it says that we are literally “groaning” waiting for something eternally bigger than what we find here on earth.

Groaning.

And i know that verse freaks people out sometimes, but oh my word how cool that is because it is so true!

I think that most of us can relate to that feeling -- that gnawing feeling inside of us -- when we know that we need something more in life. Something real. 

That gnawing feeling of just emptiness.

Most of the time this happens when we are in a really really bad place in life, at a place where we know we shouldn’t be and weren’t meant to be in.

Or it can happen when we are at a seemingly really good and successful place in life.

In fact, most of the “happiest” people around are the emptiest and they know it too.

Even the most wonderful things here on the earth can’t fill us with complete satisfaction.

We weren’t created for them too.

We were created for LOVE. Fierce love. Crazy love.

A Love beyond all reason and sense. 

Yes, we were created for something that most of the time doesn’t really make sense, at all.

And i find it so fascinating.

That we have gotten so far from the truth in the world that an unconditional love seems so VERY far fetched for people.

It’s unheard of.

And its hard to even begin to fathom amidst all of the hurt in the world.

And understandably so.

But its crazy to me, and my word my prayer is that I can learn to live this out better!

It’s crazy that we can love the world so fiercely amidst all of the crap going on, we can still find enjoyment, a joy, in the act of love. In the mere fact that love exists and that it is here with us. among us. inside of us.

Yes, the church nowadays is struggling BIG TIME i believe.

And truth is scarce.

And there is war.

And there is hate.

And there is disgusting things going on in the world.

And there are lots of empty people.

There are lots of rude people. (i am in this category more than i want to be)

And there are a lot of lies, corruptness, and deceit.

And yes its not like the  “good old days” anymore.

And there are so many things i wish didn’t exist.

And so much that I wish would just instantly change.

And i do believe that some things are worth getting angry and upset about, a lot of things actually.

But amidst all of this is it POSSIBLE to still love? and to really show it!

To still intentionally choose love over bitterness.

And to choose love over differences.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure that Jesus died on a cross for a lot of bitter disgusting people.

I’m pretty sure I am pretty bitter and disgusting about things sometimes.

And yes God corrects people.

And brings judgement.

But all of it, EVERY SINGLE BIT, is rooted in love...a love more real and more fierce than we will ever get the privilege of understanding.

A love that we should all search to know more about.

I hear it a lot, ha I say it a lot even.

Especially here...”But those people broke into my house.....But they totally ripped me off....But they are fake....But they are just rude.....But they are just not like me.....But they are just crazy.....But they did this and that to me and it was really really bad....But they don’t even know.......But things aren’t like they used to be.....But its just bad here......But no one gets it.....But this and but that.

It’s about time we put ourselves in our place, daily.

I have to daily.

I don’t, but i should do it daily.

To see that everything we say about people can probably be said about us. (ouch)

That when it doesn’t seem logical to choose love and to see joy AT  ALL, we still can....putting logic aside.

Because if logic was what saved the world.

If logic is the reason we are all here.

If its based on logic, then all of us can count ourselves done with.

LOGIC can sometimes become folly.

I know that’s probably easier said on my part because sometimes (most of the time) I don’t really like to see the most logical way to do things.

Many of us will admit that there is a gaping hole in our hearts until we are captivated by something so much bigger than us, it doesn’t “make sense” it isn’t very “logical” that someone, THE someone, died on the cross for a bunch of messed up people.

I wouldn’t have died for me and the person I was.

The logical thing would have been to just let me be.

But Jesus went beyond logic. He chose Love because He is Love.

And HE showed us that when we look past ourselves and let go of control, His ways really do make sense.

And ya see LOVE says that when someone doesn’t even deserve it, love them anyways in the best way that you can.

Im not saying to allow yourself to be walked all over or to be taken advantage of.

But I am saying to not let a root of pride or bitterness win in a failed message we communicate to ourselves that we are better than them.

Because we aren’t better.

None of us are.

And boys, love isn’t something meant to be drawn all over a page with hearts around it.

Thats just all cheezy hollywood stuff.

It’s more.

It’s bigger.

And oh so much better.

(don’t get me wrong, hearts and romance is all wonderful and stuff)

BUT just look past all that for now.

to something thats hard sometimes.

to something that will transform our lives.

To choose to see God’s goodness.

to understand the fact that the sun rising and setting each day is a DAILY MESSAGE saying that “Hey world. Amidst all of the bad things going on. I , God, STILL LOVE YOU.”

When you see love as more of a crazy powerful stunning sunrise/sunset thing than of a heart drawing ooeey gooeeyy thing its pretty cool.

Pretty powerful.

And that’s how it should be.

Don’t forget to see the POWER of God in the world.

That love is powerful.

That life and every day happenings are powerful.

And that our hearts were created to beat to something passionate and powerful.

And when we surrender to that, something crazy happens.

We become not our own. And things start to change.

And joy happens.

And relationships grow.

And relationships change and happen -- for the absolute better.

And bitterness eases bit by bit.

And craziness takes place.

And life seems to make sense amidst all of the nuttiness.

That extravagant love is just the point.

This is what separates life from the rules for me.

Powerful truths like this one.

So we can see that ha life IS NOT about daily check lists of right or wrongs.

Of rules kept and rules not kept.

Of going to far and staying too close.

Life isn’t about a routine of rules.

But when we fall under these powerful truths, things literally start changing.

And freedom happens. 

Because with love comes grace and our hearts are LITERALLY turned (isn’t that crazy?!) to really desiring the good and not just following a check list of crazy rules.

I could go on an on, but lets just call this the first of many posts on love for now.

toodles..

MUCH LOVE :)

hey hey hey

Hello from Uganda!
Not much time to write this morning, but i just wanted to show a quick update on the last couple of days here.
Surprising the kids and all of the women here Wednesday morning......well it was insane how much fun it was.
I'm telling you, the joy that these people radiate is astounding.
There genuine excitement about someone returning to them, is something that I have never seen before.
Goodness, there is so much to learn from them about savoring the small blessings in life.
Before I go on a rant, just a little fill in from the days here.
We got moved into the house on Wednesday and everything is coming together! We finally got to unclog the shower this morning and i got to shower for the first time since i've been here. Gross....I know. But hey, what can ya do?
Still haven't gone market shopping or gotten a refrigerator or fixed the gas in the house, so pineapple passion fruit, juice, water, soda, and INSANELY DELICIOUS rice and beans cooked by the cook at Ekisa have been my staples these past couple of days and i'm loving it.
There's something refreshing, though, about fresh pineapple and tea in the morning though.
Seriously, something about this place is just refreshing.
OH and i'm going to buy a little bicycle today to get around with haha. Im excited about saving money on transport and i just think it will be a blast (the hills will be a challenge though) riding the bike around everywhere.

I am missing everyone from home like crazy! But also so excited and just at total ease being here with everyone.
After settling in for a couple days I am going to be starting my job and meeting with some pretty important people about things so prayers would be so appreciated.

I'm off to go feed my Deborah girl her snack! But more updates and pictures to come later.

p.s. lots of sick kids equals lots of medical expenses!
So if you feel so led to donate or just check out or cover in prayer this amazing home please visit www.ekisa.org

Much love :)

My thoughts on music.

Music.

Something we hear everyday, and sing to everyday.

But when you think about it, music is so very. extraordinary.

The fact that these sounds, every single melodic rhythm exists.

Well, It’s a big deal.

It’s magical, that the very song the birds were created to sing, we can echo on a six stringed instrument, or on intoxicating keys of ivory.

That notes are played on rainy days.

When the wind blows.

When animals bark their voice, the only notes they know how to sing, to each other.

When we step,

dance, 

run,

music is played.

Music is made.

Music is, in fact, all around us.

Even by the simple tapping of feet, melodies are created.

And symphonies take place.

Music, I believe is proof that there is something in this world way way bigger than us.

We didn’t create it.

We were chosen to use our creative minds to help bring it to life in every unique way that we so choose.

But where did it come from?

This intricate art of music.

It’s here.

Pointing to a creator. A very careful and creative God.

Above us. That cares enough to stitch music into our every day lives. Reminding us that He’s there.

So that when life is seeming mundane.

Or purposeless. Or hard.

We can hear, even one note.

And know that there is something above us.

Even when we don’t know how to communicate that, really.

And even when we don’t feel it, really.

Music brings something to us. A stunning mixture of sounds that captivate us, and that can take us into a whole other world.

Music is hope, I believe.

The ever - present reminder that we can, somehow, be and interact with the CREATOR of life, this creator of music.

And that at the end of the day, somehow, life really is still beautiful.

A timeline of me.....

December 22, 1992. I was born.
A fat dark headed dark eyed baby!
Mischievous and stubborn since day one...

The toddler years......
Filled with
wonder.
LOTS of imagination and imaginary friends.
Lots of baby dolls.
And lots of....
getting in trouble. Well, not really because I had an authority problem.
So i just learned on my own, by choice. I'm thankful for my parents on that one.


Middle School.
Oh the lovely middle school years.
Filled with awkwardness.Confusion. Acne. Fake tans. Failed attempts of searching for "spiritual highs" at all of the youth group trips and other meetings and groups.
Just trying my very hardest to find it all, the meaning of everything. But really, my days were filled with emotional roller coasters searching for truth.
Thankfully, at this point boys were still dumb to me.
Well they all were except the older older ones.
That were completely out of my league. But somewhere in me I believed it would happen.
Kasey Kahne anyone??
Yeah, ha.

Highschool.
The importance of a good reputation began.
And while reputations are good and important to keep up.
It's all just a game when your hiding behind it. Hiding behind the rules that you keep and the comments you make.
Keeping all of the questions to yourself because it may make you look doubtful. Or seem unsure.
And now a days, it is important to seem stable. grounded. and "good".
But behind it all, is just emptiness and a whole hek of a lot of searching.
I believed. Believed and knew that there was more to life! More to life than just rules...
More to life than just a once a day Bible class...
But i couldn't exactly find it.
So I kept working too.
Hmm...my fault exactly. Trying to work for it.
But hey along with all of this working came a good reputation.
But now i see and know just how talk is cheap.
SO so  very cheap.

But i kept talking.
Kept hiding behind bad relationships.
And even hiding behind "good" things.
But hiding, none the less.
Because it wasn't real. I wasn't really real.

And then I got wrecked.
Slapped down on my face, wrecked.
And it hit me for the first time that Jesus was who He says He is.
That there IS more to life, and that in fact, makes life very very beautiful.
My heart begin to beat not to the beat of society but to the very beat that it was created to beat for.
To my own tune, created so very perfectly and unique.
Hmmm.....
I found out something crazy.
That i was made to be myself.
And that myself wasn't perfect.
But that somehow, that was ok.
Because that's where grace came in. Came in and flooded my heart and life.
And stopped making it about my attempts to be a good girl.
That GRACE is everything about what was done for me. And nothing about what I have done.
And when we approach it that way, well....it changes EVERYTHING.
It changes my days. My every moments, actually.

And it scares me sometimes.
Because my heart wants so greatly to please everyone.
To be careful what I say at all times.
To make sure my reputation is still held in high esteem.
To make sure of this and that and on and on and on.........

And YES i do know that it is a fact to "live at peace with everyone...." (Romans 12:18)

But it is important, I believe, to not get lost behind this people pleasing mindset.
To be real.
To act real under grace.
And to search out TRUTH under this umbrella of grace and love that we get the privilege of waking up under each and every day.
And to not worry so much about how we come off to other people.
But to make it my focus to show people just who I am. I am me. Crazy. Not so grown up. Loud. And yeah, just me.
Me who I was created to be.
To make it my focus to show that Jesus did and continues to do so much for me each and every day. Molding me into what He sees fit.
And shoot, I mess up at this practically every single day.
But I'm seeing that that is the point anyways.
To let a light shine that goes beyond our ability to live life.


And I was shown, and am still learning.
That its okay to doubt.
It's ok to not always be "sure."
It's okay to say sometimes "shoot. what in the world is going on here?!"
Because a walk with God, a walk through life, is not always going to be glamorous and blissful.
It's not always going to be "perfect"
and it was about time that i stopped trying to act like...perfect.

Because I saw that this false sense or portrayal of "perfection" was selfishness, disguised in the most humblest of disguises.

It's ok to scream sometimes.
And sometimes, I have even said a few words that aren't so nice.
And i have hurt people.
And not thought through things all of the time.
Its taken me a long time to accept that i mess up. I still have trouble with it.
But now Im seeing that messiness is beauty.
Because its the messy He came to die for anyways.
And under Him, we become beautiful and forgiven, despite our messiness.

And I see now and i believe it is okay to dance. and dance HARD.
And to sing loud, even if it doesn't sound good, and even if it does.

Because when it comes down to it, we are all in this race together.
We are all battling the battle between good and evil every day.
And we will all continue to fall.
And get back up.
And learn more and more what forgiveness looks like.
And what it looks like to give forgiveness because we have been FREELY given oh so much.
And we are a lot more alike than we like to say or realize even.


So here I am, sitting at Barnes and Nobles on this rainy day.
After 19 years of living.
And i'm thankful.
Thankful for the love that I have been blessed with so abundantly in my life.
Thankful for grace.
And thankful for people.
People of all different kinds.
And still learning. a lot.

And now at 19 years old, i'm a month away from going back to Africa to work adoptions for some very very special kiddos!
NOT because I am super spiritual.
And not because I am better than anyone else.
And NOT because of my own ability, at all.
NOT because I am on a pedistool.
please please please, I beg you.
If you are putting this Africa thing on a pedistool you are making a vital mistake, I will let you down, I guarantee you that.
Cute pictures with some REALLY cute kids and some REALLY stunning African people doesn't make me any greater.
Ha, at all.

I'm just me.
Following the path that was so beautifully put in front of me for now.
Africa, Athens, its all just different places in the world.
But just for now, my two places of Africa and Athens get to mix.


Much love :)