Every time that I went to write something, the words wouldn't come.
The fear of saying too much came about and the fear of the thoughts that actually might come out caught me in a state of just not writing much, at all.
Because you see, it's good for me to write when I can be encouraging to others.
When I can be real about everything going on in life and fill it with amazing pictures.
But during the last weeks of my trip, there weren't that many pictures to put with the thoughts and emotions whirling about in my life.
And on October 4th, I stepped out of a plane and said hello to America - hello to the place where everything is comfortable and nice.
A place where I knew i could get some much needed rest and relaxation.
But still, the words wouldn't come.
The fear of emotions - of feeling too much - kept catching me in my tracks.
And the whirlwind of culture shock mixed with a lovely dose of jet lag began.
And now here I am, catching up on the past month that has gone by.
Trying to find the words, but knowing that each word I choose will fall short.
Trying to find the right pictures, but knowing that they can't ever accurately portray how deeply my heart misses and is burdened for Uganda and for the kids that I have grown to know as my own.
Knowing that you can't smell the burning trash, hear the always incredible laughter of the kids, and the exhaustion of days but also the fullness of days in my pictures....
And knowing that you can't fully feel the emotions that the past year has brought me, understand the attachment that I will now forever have on the other side of the world, and understand the sorrow of loosing children but of gaining more children all at the same time.
While I know that those things can't be fully captured in a post, I will do my best and hope that you can share along in this experience with me.
Because what is life, if not shared with many?
August 1st 2011.
I arrived to Uganda not having a CLUE what to expect. Couldn't find my driver at the airport. Didn't know how to talk to anyone. Everything was different. I was by myself. And about to spend 4 months with people I had never even met.
But very quickly, everyone became my very closest friends. Friendships that will differ from any other that I have for the rest of my life.
September 2011.
Two little girls at Ekisa got really sick.
And I said goodbye to two little girls that I had spent two months with.
They fought and fought and we did all that we could to care for them and their needs, but it ended up being their chosen time to go home to Heaven. And it was all in His plan.
Still, death happened right in front of me for the very first time.
October 2011.
A calm month.
Filled with lots of costume parties and market runs.
Uganda seriously began to capture my heart.
I got a job offer to come back as the adoption coordinator.
I agreed to come back after going home to raise support.
November 2011.
I came home to spend the holidays with my family.
And when the money was raised, I was ready to head back to Uganda.
February 2012.
I pack and board up a plane to Uganda!
I had a one year commitment under my belt with a trip home during the summer.
Adoption coordinator at 19 years old - slightly intimidating but very very exciting.
March 2012.
Meetings happened.
Children happened.
Life in Africa was continuing.
I had my own house with a wonderful room mate.
And I was loving every second of it.
April 2012.
Things start to get messy and we are realizing that new directions need to be pursued with adoptions.
Wonderful people come into our life to accomplish those things that we now knew needed to happen.
So my "job" direction changed.
And crazy live in Africa continued.
May 2012.
I board a plane to surprise my whole family with an early arrival home!!
I spent the summer here at home not sure of what the fall was looking like for me yet.
And them Emily called. And told me that I should come in August.
So i boarded up a plane in August and spent six weeks in Uganda.
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| Little Sam who we spent quite a lot of time with in the hospital. |
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| Just one of the amazing faces of Ekisa |
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| Oh how i miss this little guy. |
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| he was quite the character. The best behaved kid you ever met. |
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| And the most hilarious. |
And I just got home just a few weeks ago on October 4th.
And now 9 out of the past 14 months of my life have either been spent in Uganda or spent in America planning my return trip there.
And here I am now at the end of those 14 months now adjusting to what it feels like to be settled in one place for atleast 6 months.
And settling - even if it be for around 6-8 months- seems so foreign and confusing to me still.
But I do want to say thank you.
Thank you to everyone who has prayed for me and supported me throughout this whole journey I have had the privilege of taking.
And the journey doesn't stop here. In fact, each change in life is an adventure of its own.
So cheers to the journey to come and the journeys that come for the rest of my life here on earth.
Everything has been exhausting yet exhilarating all at the same time. And everyone's prayers and love were huge parts of how I made it through some days that seemed never ending.
And your prayers and love were a huge part of the every day laughter and joy that took place in Uganda.
My life has been forever changed by the people of this beautiful country.
My best friendships have been made by this beautiful country that will last me a lifetime.
And i now forever have a second home away from home - even if it is on the other side of the world.
Sometimes, waves of sadness come over me from the trauma that has happened with the unexpected loss of precious children that I loved as my own. But every time the sadness hits, the glorious reality hits me also.
The reality that I have been graced with each and every one of those kids in my life. Kids that have changed me forever. Kids that have made me a better person and have given me a bigger glimpse of God than I ever thought possible.
I know that each one of them is deemed as a disabled child, but I believe that God created them each especially gifted. Gifted in a way that I have never seen before.
This little bundle of kids handpicked to be in this little compound in Uganda to change my life. Forever.
And I hope and pray that they have all changed yours too.
Many of you are asking when I am going back, and the answer to that is I don't have any definite plans right now.
But i do know that when money permits it will always be the first place I go for a vacation or a get away.
But as I've learned over the past year, God has a way of changing our plans that we think are so right at the moment.
So I'm open and available for whatever he has for me next.
But Im doing my best, living fully and intentionally right where I am at.
So i encourage you to do the same - to see life as a journey. A journey full of whimsy and hope.
Because no matter how despairing any day gets, there is always hope and the whimsical truth of a Savior that loves us and who is COMING BACK to make all things right again.
So may we all hope even when the darkness creeps in.
When gloominess is a reality, may we lift our face towards the bright skies.
May we notice each and every bird that sings their perfectly melodic songs.
May we take hold of each moment we get with the people that we love.
And may we have moments with new people who never have known true love before.
Because gifts are given to be given away. always.
May we never cling so tightly to the things of this world.
And may we be simple.
Live simply and you WILL receive joy. Joy that overflows through something bigger than temporary pleasures.
Learn from children and grab ahold of their faith -- for those are the ones we are told to learn from.
Dance.
Sing.
Cry.
Hug.
and hold.
Hold on to everything that life gives you - but hold onto it with an open hand, realizing that it wasn't yours to begin with.
Choose to see beauty.
And love to live.
Because darkness passes away each and every morning, ever so faithfully, with a mesmerizing sunrise.
Truth is out there all around us, in the sunrises and all, just waiting to be learned from.
So take note. breathe. and live.
That is what I'm learning now.
So i hope that you share in this.
More updates to come on this journey of mine...............
And a little perspective on how crazy fast a year goes...
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| Me and Zeke in October of 2011 |
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| Me and Zeke in October of 2012! |
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| This is me and Baby Grace. The one on the left is on the day he was born and the one on the right is on his first birthday |
And with this I say,
Much Love :)
